Learning To Deal

Can't Shake This Feeling

**Billy's POV again**

Class was torture. Sitting through another lesson on the Vietnam War was not keeping my attention. I was thinking about all the things I wanted to say to Jane. She just up and left without a word and I'm supposed to go pick her up. We're supposed to tell each other everything, at least as much of everything as we can. Right then Lulu came to mind and I can't shake the guilt that I feel as soon as it comes up. Her face when Lulu came up to kiss me before I could tell her, it hurt me and I can't even imagine how it felt to her. It really sucked knowing my best friend wasn't okay with who I was dating. I never had this problem with Jane before, she had never been so mad at me.

I'll always feel bad about hurting her in that way. She deserved to hear it from me, not from a public display of affection. That was the longest fight we ever had and I moped around her house until she talked to me. That's just how Jane and I were. We didn't let a stupid fight come between us, we worked it out because, for me, she meant too much to let go.

Finally class was over and I went straight to the airport. I knew I had a couple hours to wait, but I needed to think through what I wanted to say. Now I sit in my car with ten minutes left until her flight lands and I have no idea what I'm going to say. Jane has been my best friend since we were eight and we've never had this much trouble. Nothing's been right since I told her "It's you" and now it seems so off for us. I have been in love with my best friend since Tommy of all people pointed it out to me. It is always Jane. Always. I have to move on and I think maybe I have with Zoe, but the truth is, no one is Jane. But I know on that runway she had a choice between me and that Jeremy guy and I didn't want to stick around to see her pick him instead. Apart of me knows it would have been me, but a bigger part of me says the accent really does it. Her flying out of state without saying a word to me, leaving me like that makes my point.

When she gets here I know I have so much to say. I'm extremely pissed she could leave me behind.

Then I get up at the call for the landing of Jane's flight. I have a scowl on my face from knowing she didn't give me a second thought. Why am I even here? Then I see her and all my anger is gone and my thoughts are switched because in the place of my best friend is someone I can only assume is Jane. Her hair is flat, not really curly, she's in sweatpants and a large t shirt, and she's wearing actual kicked around sneakers. Gone is all the fashion and it it's place is definitely not the girl I saw a week ago. The sight takes my breath away because it is so not my Janey. Instantly I feel guilt again for leaving her alone to deal with something that has clearly devastated her.

She's walking in my direction with her face down, not looking around and completely hidden within her shell. She is about two feet from me and that's when I speak, "Janey.." She looks up in shock and sadness. I don't know what do to here, she's obviously upset, but I can't figure it out. I know her job meant a lot to her, but this isn't it, this isn't just about her job. She needs me and I need to figure out what the problem is. She needs my attention and I'm pissed at myself that I couldn't give it to her long enough to find out she had even left the freaking state.

It takes her a minute to really move or do anything, but eventually she does come over to me and wrap her arms under mine. I hug her to me for a long time trying to hold onto what I thought we had. I'm losing her, I'm losing my best friend and I don't know how to keep her here with me.

I push her away at arms length so I can see her, "Why the hell did you just leave and not tell me?" I asked a little angrily. I probably seemed a little too harsh. She just stood there and was emotionless, "I just want to go home." I get it, she's tired and her dream job is gone, but she needs to talk to me. "Okay, I can do that, but we need to talk Janey.. You can't just leave like that." I say. She nods and walks towards the exit with a distinct gap between us. I see what's happening, I just don't want to believe it.

The whole car ride was silent except for if I asked any questions but they were met with little to no acknowledgement. I was getting fed up with this. I'm not sure what her deal is, but she needs to change quick because losing her means losing so much and I can't let that happen. I don't even know what I would do if she wasn't in my life. I need Jane.

We make it to her house and I pull up in front. She gets out quickly and I do the same as I meet her at the back to grab her bags for her.

"I got it." She says. Still looking down and not giving me the time of day. She hasn't said my name once, nor has she tried to hold conversation. I know this is not like her and something huge has happened. She doesn't just ignore me; I like to think my charm keeps her around. My charm isn't doing shit today.

I stand at the trunk ready to follow her into her house when she turns around and barely looks at my direction, "You should probably get home." Still no acknowledgement and still she won't say my name. I'm getting increasingly frustrated and I know I'm going to explode soon. She starts to walk away and that's it, I've had it, "Damn it, Jane, what the hell has gotten into you? You don't even talk to me when I pick you up from the freaking airport when I didn't even know you were even freaking gone by the way. You barely give me the time of day in the car and now you're telling me to go home? Are you freaking kidding me? Seriously Jane, what the freaking hell?" I seem to only call her 'Jane' out loud when I'm pissed and right now I see that trend clearly.

She jumps at my outburst and I know I've hurt her. She probably needs time or something and I need to cool off anyways. "Whatever, Jane. I'll catch you later if you can manage to even look my way." I was being unfair because I haven't even made her talk to see what the real problem is. I plan on coming back later when things have settled down. I know I'll apologize then, I just don't have the patience now when clearly my best friend can't even talk to me. Something's wrong and I can't shake the feeling.

I get in The Beast and I go for a long drive.