Learning To Deal

In The Jungle

The last person I wanted to see before I died was my best friend, my Janey. I didn't want her to be scared, I didn't want her to feel horrible after I was gone and I wanted her to remember my smiling face as the last memory of me. Somehow I had had enough time to look back at her and give her the best smile I could even though I knew my life would end. I was frozen in the middle of the street and I don't know why I couldn't move. My feet felt like they were cinder blocks so moving wasn't an option. I didn't want a reckless van to be the last thing I saw before my inevitable death. So I looked to Jane. Maybe my reasons were, in fact, selfish because I really just wanted her beautiful face to be the last thing I saw.

What happened after that, I don't know. It was strange because it felt like the kind of darkness you experience when you close your eyes, but yet I couldn't feel, hear, or touch anything. It was nothing. I don't know how long I was in the place but even silence is ear piercing and in this place was a lot of silence. Then slowly I was pulled out of the darkness and into a shadowy place. I heard voices, but I couldn't see them. Slowly vision was coming back to me but it wasn't anything I expected. I was in a jungle and I had to fight my way out. I kept thinking I can find a light, I can find the end, and I can get out of here, but that was difficult. Some of the plants were razor sharp and left stinging cuts, but it seemed to be only on my left side. Everything was a shade of green and brown and was clouded over with a light fog.

It felt like I was in this jungle for months just wandering and searching, but then I heard it. It was quiet at first, but I couldn't mistake the sound. I heard Jane. I heard my name and it was amplified in the jungle, bouncing off every plant and rock. I heard it quietly but then it kept being repeated over and over. Then I hear her voice even louder and it's pinpointed to a certain direction, I run in that direction. "You shouldn't have done that, you shouldn't have come for me. You should have stayed at my house or your place or somewhere…" I didn't understand her words but I understood I needed to see her so I ran. The rest I only heard bits and pieces of. Then what was once mumbling turned to clear and bright as day words, "Because I… I love you and I need you here with me…" She loved me? At that thought every hope, dream, image, and memory came to me. It was so overwhelming that I literally got pushed back on the ground and the fog around me lifted. Then my hand began to feel warm and it was the only part of my body that I could actually feel. For some reason it was warm and tingling.

I would fight and I would fight hard to get out of here because I know wherever Jane is, is where I need to be.

I have been running now for years and that isn't an exaggeration. The seasons have changed so many times I know it's been too long away from Jane. I've seen the plants grow, thrive, whither, and die. I've seen a tree as a twig and then grow into a sturdy oak. Time flies here. But no matter how much time went by I could always rely on the warm feeling in my right hand. Sometimes the feeling would go away and the first time it did I panicked and stopped running. I looked at my hand and its warm glow was gone, instead was an icy cold feeling and I hated it. Soon enough though the feeling would come back and I felt relieved.

I could hear Jane's voice all the time and that's what kept me going. I would have given up a long time ago had it not been for her voice. This time was different when she spoke, it seemed sad and final. "I know you can't hear me when I talk to you, but I miss you." She said clear as day. Usually when she spoke I could only make out a few words here and there. If she's been talking like this then I need to end that. "No!" I shouted to no one at all. "I can here you!" Hopefully she could hear my cries, but I knew she couldn't.

She started talking again, "Holding your hand isn't enough Billy… I need your hugs and your silly eye brow thing. I need hope that you will make it. I just need my best friend. So guess what? Ben talked to me the other day about marrying Ms. Shaw… How weird would that be? I mean she's nice and I know she loves Ben but it'll be strange. My brother of all people… Married." It wouldn't be that strange. She loves Ben Janey. I stopped speaking out loud to my 'Jane voice' a long time ago. It didn't matter what I yelled or screamed she always kept talking. "You know I imagine my life… With you? I imagine us getting married, me in a long white gown of my own creation and you in a black tux with your own signature style thrown in." I stop running once more and picture it. I wanted that so bad, she's all I want. "I imagine having our son and giving him the same faux hawk look as you." My son… I never imagined having kids, but now that she's telling me about it I just want to start our family right now and I can't even get to her! "I imagine our daughter curly haired and small, but a Daddy's girl." I would love a daughter. My own little girl to teach things to and play tea party with just because she wanted to. But most of all I wanted this for Jane. She would make an amazing mother and I can't imagine a family without her.

This is enough. "I want to get out of here!" I scream. "Let me out! I need Jane.. Somebody! Please help!" I yell out into the open crisp air. I am getting so pissed that I just run and push hard, to my limits to reach her, to reach my Janey. Without looking at my feet I take one step too many and the last step I took didn't have any ground underneath. I was falling hard and fast into the deep dark abyss.

Next thing I knew I was awake and the first person I saw was my Janey.