Learning To Deal

Stick Together

My brother is not a crier, in fact the only time I ever saw him really cry was when our dad died. He's a strong guy that goes with the flow, never really letting anything bother him. I envied him for that very reason while growing up because while my mom was off doing whatever it was she was doing I was trying to figure it all out on my own and sometimes you really just need a mother for that. I cried all the time because I would get frustrated with not knowing what I was doing and I felt alone, but Ben, he wouldn't let being abandoned bother him. I mean, I'm sure it did, but he went with what the opportunity gave him.

So when I see my brother with red-rimmed eyes I know nothing is going to go my way tonight. "Ben?" I croaked, afraid of the news he has to share with me. "He sat down beside me, sighed and put his face in his hands. He rubbed his face to wipe away any traces of what I already suspected. "I got some information because I'm actually his first emergency contact for Billy." He was? I then think about Billy's family and it all makes sense why on all the forms Billy's mom would put Ben down as the emergency contact…

"Well," I looked over at him with tears still in my eyes. "What's going on? Is he… Is he…" I couldn't say it, I couldn't bring myself to utter the words. Instead of waiting for an answer I looked around at the other helpless or bored looking people. Some had faces like mine while other looked simply miserable with boredom. I envied the boredom.

"He's alive, but barely. Listen Jane I think you need to start coping with the fact that Billy…" Ben's voice got caught in his throat and I took that time to interject, "No. I will not give up hope on him. He came to see me, he came to make things better and if he can still believe in me after everything then this will not be the time I give up. I…" I paused. "I love him." It came out as a whisper, but I know Ben heard my confession. It was the first time I admitted it out loud with the meaning it had. It lost the friendship vibe and gained so much more. I was determined and yet I couldn't help that voice in the back of my head saying "…He can't make it. You saw the van that hit him, he has to be a goner.." I wouldn't let that voice win.

"Listen to me Jane," Ben said. "Do you think I want to give up on Billy? He's like the little brother I never had. I just want you to think of the possibilities. I talked to a nurse and she said they had to rush him into surgery. Half his body was completely crushed Jane. If he does make it, he may never walk again." My blood runs cold because when the people working on the boy you love have even lost hope… Well it's not the best feeling in the world.

I sit back against the chair and let the tears take over, not even caring that there are other people here waiting for news too for whomever they brought here. Ben put his arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him. We needed each other now more than ever. Billy may be my best friend but he was a big part of Ben's life too. I realize now that Ben's been taking care of the both of us since Dad died and even before that too. I needed Ben to know that this wasn't just about me.

"Ben?" I mutter as I lift my head to look at him and wipe away the remaining tears.

He sniffles, "Yeah?"

"I know he means a lot to you too. Are you scared…?" I whisper because if I try to speak louder I may not be able to keep it together and I need to keep it together for not just myself but for Ben too.

"I'm terrified Jane." He was honest and I'm glad he wasn't trying to hide how he was really feeling from me. I grab his hand and squeeze it with all the strength I had left, which may not have been much.

"We need to stick together okay? I need you Ben." My brother has always been a strong guy, but right now he isn't that strong person I've always known. Right now he's just as broken up as me.

"We'll be okay Kiddo. I promise." He said and I put my head back where it was resting. When I blink my eyes I realize it will be a chore to open them again. Fatigue is trying to take over but I fight it for a while. Unfortunately after tonight fatigue is the least of my worries.

When I open my eyes again the sunlight is streaming through the windows giving everything an orange-like glow. I lift my head and realize it has been against the chair in an awkward position this whole time. I rub the soreness away and hope it doesn't stay. When I look to my right the chair is empty and panic sets in. I look around for my brother hoping he was just pacing somewhere in the waiting room, but when I look around I see I'm the only one left in the room. Worried really isn't the correct term for what I was. I was left here all by myself and what if something went wrong with Billy? I get up quickly only to be stopped by the sight of Ben walking through a thick set of doors.

"Ben!" I shout and my voice cracks. I rush to him and he simply holds out a steaming cup of coffee. He looks down and avoids any eye contact. I take the cup confused as to why he isn't saying anything. No, Ben not saying anything must be an insanely bad thing. "No…" I whisper and sink down into a chair closest to me. I set the coffee cup down knowing I will soon drop it, unable to grasp the situation. Could Billy really not have made it?

I see Ben and he finally looks up smiling, "No… Jane he's… He's fine. They saved him." I search his face for the truth I so desperately needed and found it. I begin to cry and blubber everything I was feeling from happiness to sadness to excitement. All my emotions were present in this moment.

Billy was alive.