Tutor Me

Chapter 40 : Different Worlds

I like storms. They let me know that even the sky screams sometimes

(Trigger warning ahead; related to the dark & ugly side of society)

Post Avi's POV

"It was dark I remember everything think every second of it the torture the feelings How can I forget? When I am swimming right on the brink of those haunting memories. A mere slip and I am pulled drowning and gasping between something that keeps you alive in the torture of death" I shuddered, my eyes shut as if the darkness was engulfing me in whole. Either I could simply open them, that is turned them to shut to what I don't want to never think about.

In a way I wanted to turn off those flashbacks.
Anyone in my shoes would do the same, turn off something unforgettable and tragic experience of their lives making it gone like it never happened, by, denying yourself, feeding lies, making up your own things to cover that part of the mind.

However, it's inevitable to forget something you are constantly remembering to forget.

Memories can only be replaced not forgotten.

What's the point of confiding about something dark that had happened in your life to a stranger?

Every person has a secret something dark something un-confessable. That they have never disclosed it to anyone not even to themselves completely. There are certain secrets or certain desires or wishes or any random, yet to you, it's a big weigh pulling you down and you haven't told to anyone about it.

And you can't make yourself do that. It doesn't have to always do with the people around or their credibility, maybe it's because of me I am not just ready to come to terms with it. I don't want to speak it aloud what I have bottled in and realize that those things really are connected to me.

However,

As long as I feel disgusted and embarrassed about it I won't ever be able to let it out.  Which as a result, Inside my mind the situation will only intensify to so much that a stage will come where even I won't discuss it with myself. I will avoid at all costs.

And avoiding something is never the right way to any problem

Therefore I will speak out whatever had been making me afraid of myself. I tried every possible way to escape through it by myself but I couldn't

How could I escape something when its marks are right on my soul?

"I was only six" I stated in a low voice my eyes filled suddenly but a big smile formed taking over my face on remembering that day, "I was happy I was actually so happy my parents were there.  one of my hand my mom was holding while the other my Dad held it. What else anyone could want? Both the people who loved me unconditionally were beside me, How could I not be happy, feel like the luckiest person on the Earth? "

"I remember how my little eyes were shining with glee the excitement of having to see the world the glittering part of the world all bright and nice... I was in the fair by the way. My first fair " and also the last, I chuckled leaning against the seat. The flower woman's gaze never left me from across to me, she was telling me silently she's listening and understanding. 

I don't think so she understands my condition, a person's feelings and pain no one can understand better than themselves.

"At whichever toys, my finger pointed at I got it, my father bought it within a blink of an eye. Whatever distress I had like my dress troubling me or it got smudged by ice cream or clumsy by nature I fell and scraped my knee, my mother was instantly beside me to ease the pain. I felt like a princess. People were looking at me with awwweed smiles I knew I looked cute.