Lullabies in December (Behind The Month #2)

41

41, My pure heart

It wasn't him. The image of that person I was expecting to see was popped like a bubble. Isang lalaking photographer ang tumawag sa akin mula sa likod ko.

Perhaps I looked constipated or something on those pictures of mine that he took. I must admit I felt very nervous because I was thinking of Safe with that gentle but manly perfume running inside my nose. However, I also had a small disappointment in me. It kinda hurt that I didn't see him, even after trying to look for him again in the crowd.

He wasn't there but I still found myself smiling as I composed myself on the stage. Kasabay ng malalim na paghinga, nakita ko si Cherry na binigyan ako ng munting palakpak habang impit ang ngiti.

I was already introduced to the audience and now, I'm about to start my speech.

"Good evening, dear ladies and gentlemen." I greeted with a smile, holding the mic and slightly looking around. My voice echoed. "As I was introduced to all of you, you may know me by the name Hiraya Manawari..." I paused to nod a bit. "But please, allow me to introduce myself with my own voice right here... on this stage... tonight."

Umapaw ang buong katahimikan. And although I was still nervous, I still tried my best not to show it.

"People, my name is Anna Celine David Lacerna." I clearly stated my whole real name, feeling a gentle relief in my chest. "I am an artist who originally came from the Philippines. You may know some information already about me for I was... you know... I, I built an image in this artistry. In painting. I was known because of it. Thus, Hiraya Manawari was made."

From the far side of the second row of seats, I caught Dr. Williams who was watching me and he smiled when our eyes met. I smiled back before looking in front once again.

"I honestly never really thought I'll reach this far. But maybe, I had been into a far place before where anyone could also be into. It doesn't happen to one randomly but it is real. You see, people, I was diagnosed with depression at the age of twenty one. It could've turned into a worse case if I wasn't able to go to a psychiatrist after almost two years... of embracing all the pain in my chest."

I smiled tightly at the crowd. Muli akong huminga nang malalim. I prepared so well for this and I'm now about to release my full story.

"Just to share with you a piece of my childhood, I was an only child. We were only three in the family. I got my papa and my mom. Our family was small but we were contented. I was happy, I get to bond with my late architect father and my mom who was a loving housewife. It was like that until I turned sixteen. It was sad because after that, my parents started to have so much misunderstandings and it pained me so much. Before, I used to think that my dad was just being brainwashed by his siblings because they never really liked my mom for him with her status in life. She was poor while my papa's the opposite. But I now know better. I now know the main reason why the marriage I once admired was shattered and has broken apart."

I paused for a moment to force myself not to shed a tear. Cherry used hand gestures on her seat like she was encouraging me.

"My papa was an insecure man. He wasn't secured about himself despite him being so successful in business. There were too many accusations about my mom, having a secret affair with another man before papa and her got married. And even when she was secretly dealing with an illness, she was accused of the same thing. My papa was drowned with his worries and jealousy, so he believed those lies. My mom was diagnosed with cancer, one thing that we just later found out.  My papa then was so blinded by the wrong opinion coming from other people, thus he told us... my mom got sick and that was her karma for cheating. I was so mad. I hated him more than anyone. He changed and I couldn't believe nor accept that he was also doubting the blood that's running inside me. I was told that maybe... I'm not his child. So, when my parents had their annulment done later on... I had no plans of stopping it."