Lullabies in December (Behind The Month #2)

22

22, I lost

I don't know how to give them to him.

I became busy for the next three days. I had to do my plates. Nabigyan na kami ng iilang profs. It was understandable since our midterm exam is coming. Meanwhile, while I was doing all those stuff– my plates, and reviews, I spent my lunch break at the Locus, or during any other free time that I had.

Hindi na ako sa kotse nag-i-stay dahil ang punong tanging inaasahan ko para hindi mainit sa loob ng sasakyan habang wala ako, e pinutol na. It's okay, I thought to myself. Wala naman akong magagawa roon. So instead of eating inside my car, I just opted to buy lunch then eat it at the Locus, the same place where Safe and I stayed together. Iyon kasi ang mas nakatago sa mata ng ibang tao kumpara sa ibang pwesto. I mean... I would face the building, not the other people in the same area.

During those three days, Safe only saw me twice. Naabutan niya ako sa pwesto, dala pa rin ang kanyang gitara. I only gave him a shy smile while he's politely greeting me. Just like today, and it's Thursday.

"Hi..." he greeted me simply.

I was holding my spoon because I'm still eating my lunch. My chest tightened a bit and I swallowed hard. My cheeks felt like burning.

"Hey... uh, dito ulit... ako kumain. Is this where you're always spending your spare time?"

He sat on the same bench, sighing. "Yes..."

"Have you... eaten?"

"Yes." he said hoarsely before glancing at me.

"I'm sorry. I can find and stay somewhere else so you can do what you want... uhm, without being bothered by me... or..."

I thought he might not be comfortable that I am always here, occupying the same place. Baka hindi siya makakanta dahil narito ako. Lagi na lang siyang tumugtog, may humming na ginagawa pero walang salita upang kantahin ang kahit anong gusto niya.

His head tilted. "Bothered? By you?"

"No, uhm, I mean..." I couldn't say it right.

Parang nagmukha pa akong kawawa roon sa sinabi ko.

"I don't mind if you're here. Hindi naman akin ang upuang 'to. How about you... aren't you uncomfortable that I am here?"

"No," maagap kong sagot. Napakurap ako dahil parang siguradong-sigurado ang tunog noon. "I-I mean... it's okay. This chair isn't mine either."

"Okay... but why are you always eating your lunch here? Masyadong presko ang hangin dito, ano?" he smiled a bit.

Patapos na ako at kaunti na lang nga itong nasa lalagyanan ko. I looked at him while he's putting his guitar on place.

"Yes..." I answered, my mind was running about the two small things that I bought days ago.

After eating, I just pulled out some reviewers from my bag, which was beside me, to use my extra time. Safe also prepared a pen and a notebook on his side. He stops on strumming to write something down on the notebook, his head would tilt a bit on the side like he's in deep thinking.

He must have noticed my stare so he turned his head to me. His lips were parted slightly.

Hawak ko ang reviewer ko at huminto lang ako saglit dahil nagtataka sa kanyang ginagawa.

"What... uhm, aren't you going to review? Uh, wala ba kayong midterms for this month?" hindi ko mapigilang itanong.

"Meron naman..." aniya sa mababang tono. He bit his lips, as if trying to cover a smile now while looking down. "Okay. Magre-review na rin ako."