Lullabies in December (Behind The Month #2)

43

43, In me

Nagpatuloy pa ang pag-uusap namin.

"Anyway, uh, si mama mo? How is she? 'Saka si... Sab... uh, mga pinsan mo?"

Maayos akong kumain ng waffles ko at tahimik ding uminom sandali matapos iyon.

"They're okay." aniya. "Si Mama Susie... ganoon pa rin. Nasa bahay... kasama sina Sab at ng mga apo niya. Wala ako madalas sa bahay kaya... sila palagi ang magkakasama roon."

My eyes went up to him quickly even before he finished his statement.

"Mga apo?" sinubukan kong ngumiti. "May mga anak ka na pala..."

Kumunot sandali ang noo niya. "Hindi, uh... kay Sab, Anna. Apo ni mama kay Sab."

"Oh..."

"Wala pa akong anak."

"Oh, sorry. I thought..." Mahina ang naging tawa ko, hiyang-hiya. "Uhm, Sab has kids now then. You're now... a tito."

"Yeah..." tumawa rin siya at tumango.

The awkwardness was back after that. I wasn't even sure if I was saying the right words in this situation. Tumalon ang puso ko kanina, hindi para sa kaba o saya, kundi dahil nagulat ako sa sinabi niyang "mga apo".

I thought he's really a father now, at baka hindi ko lang iyon alam. Baka hindi lang din nasabi sa akin ni Olga. Sa loob ng maraming taong lumipas, ang totoo'y hindi ko naman talaga alam kung anong pinagdaanan ni Safe sa buhay niya.

But he has a girlfriend now. Back then, he was already thinking about settling down. He was looking forward to marrying me. He was... that type of guy. Gusto niyang ikasal.

Isa pa... ngayon... hindi na kami ganoon ka-bata, lalo na siya because he's older than me. Not that his age had something to do with this but... I just know na nasa isip na nito noon ang pagpapakasal kahit na bata pa kami at nag-aaral pa.

Maybe... they're not yet ready for that? Silang dalawa ng girlfriend niya? Pero kahit ano man, wala naman akong pakialam dapat. But of course, I know that there's a possibility that Safe will really build a family with her since they're together, if they want to.

Para akong nanlamig sa mga naisip pero wala akong magawa dahil pupwede naman talagang mangyari ang mga iyon.

I refused to look at him this time. My heart can't go steady. Hindi ko na alam ang sasabihin. Tahimik ko na lang na inubos ang waffles ko at may katagalang namalagi sa akin ang titig ni Safe bago ito lumipat sa dalampasigan. He was also silent.

"Anna..." he called me gently afterwards, breaking that silence between us. "Do you still have time this evening?"

"H-Huh?" mula sa plato ay binalikan ko siya ng tingin. Hindi ko inasahan iyon.

He bit his lips a bit. "Pwede ka ba ulit mamaya? Uhm, dinner."

Napalunok ako nang kaunti at dinamdam ang malakas na kabog sa dibdib.

Sigurado ba siya? Dinner?

Pero baka naman... imbitasyon lang talaga ito at may mga kasama naman kami. Inuulit ko, may girlfriend siya. It's impossible that it will only be the two of us alone in that dinner.

"Okay." I smiled simply. "I'll just go back here later for dinner."

He smiled, looking so calm. "Alright..."

I felt relieved. The dinner then would be done here in this restaurant too, meaning we won't be alone indeed. He just really wanted to invite me. Baka nga... marami pa kami. Siguro'y may gaganapin? Isang espesyal na...