Lullabies in December (Behind The Month #2)

6

6,  The things

He won't reply to me.

That's what I believe. From an anonymous number, he'd receive a single message containing those three words out of nowhere. He might think, it's a message sent wrongly to him by someone.

I went upstairs and changed into my usual clothing at home– a plain spaghetti strap cotton dress. I have a bunch of this in basic colors and this time, I'm wearing a pastel yellow one.

Maputi ako at habang tumatanda ay nagkakaroon ako ng mga pekas sa balikat ko. I don't know. I searched about this once before and learned that they're freckles. Maliliit lang naman at kaunti lang. Ngayon ay kitang-kita ang mga iyon dahil walang manggas ang suot ko.

I tied my long black straight hair into a bun before beginning in my architectural stuff. Inside my room, I have my acrylic drafting table on the side, a hanging wooden shelf above, containing all my books, a high chair, and another cabinet beside the table that's filled with my art materials.

Ang kwarto ko ay maluwag at puting-puti. Even my bed is all white, placed below a big window covered in plain creamy silk curtains. Under my bed is a dirty white furry carpet. Then two small white painted bedside cabinets on each side of the bed. One has a white lamp shade with golden accent, while the other has the most recent picture I had with my small family on my fifteenth birthday resting above it. 

Sa left side ay ang papasok sa cr ng kwarto ko at puti rin ang pintuan noon. I didn't ask for my room to have the things inside colored in white. Ganito na ito nang abutan ko at ayoko ng gumastos para mabago. Okay na rin naman. What's more important is that I'm able to move freely, knowing that when I do my plates, I require a lot of space. But then, to make it closer with my style, the blank white wall in front of the bed, and all my other things, turned into a canvass for my painting. I painted a weeping girl with her eyes hiding her rage inside... and there's a lion too that's almost hugging her.

It's an effort I did to add some contrast for my  room. The subjects were done perfectly, while the background I did was only looking like I've splashed blood and venomous fluids in the shades of green and purple.

The very few people who saw this mural on my wall thought it was beautiful but I don't know if they understood the meaning of it.

I opened my backpack to get the papers given to me during my classes. These are all about my final plates in different subjects. Kailangan kong matapos ang lahat ng ito dahil kailangan ko ring mag-review para sa ibang subjects na may exam naman.

I pulled my high chair and sat on it, reading the papers one by one. I didn't get to know how our design prof discussed our final plate for him. Absent ako kahapon, e. The project he has given us is once again, very frustrating so I had to read it over and over again, searching for such things I didn't understand on the internet.

I don't wanna ask any of my block mates about it, or message my prof personally. Hindi ako palagay na gawin iyon. Hindi na.

I grabbed a piece of an A3 size of paper and taped it on each sides using a masking tape right on my drafting table, planning to plot the lot already. I glanced shortly at the wall clock above the restroom's door and saw that it's now five thirty pm. I should be done doing a schematic plan at seven, or even earlier.

Ganoon ang nagpa-abala sa akin habang tumatakbo ang oras. I would only stop if I'd drink some water, or think deeply about what I'm doing.

I groaned in frustration as I stood up to get my tote bag. I fucking need motivations. I opened it and took my previous projects to see how my grades went.

Sa kabila ng mga nangyayaring hindi maganda sa buhay ko, meron at meron pa rin talagang magpapagaan kahit paano sa loob ko. I smiled on my own as I stared at the grades given to me. Thankfully, I have no failing grade on any of them. And so if nakaya kong matapos ang mga ito at makapasa, kakayanin ko rin dito sa ginagawa ko ngayon.