Lullabies in December (Behind The Month #2)

Wakas

Sorry natagalan but yes it's now done. So, hello, it took me more than a year to finish this. It wasn't easy, but I enjoyed writing it and I will edit it out whenever I'm free. Hope you enjoyed reading it too and that you learned a thing or two. :)

Thank you and this is gonna be a long, long chapter.

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Wakas

I had a rough childhood.

I grew up with just my father and it was only the two of us... unless he'd bring a woman at home to join us, although it never lasted for a long time. Lagi rin kasi silang umaalis.

Hindi ko kilala ang mama ko. It's just her name that I knew and a few pictures left in a closet that I saw so I couldn't say that I really knew her. Wala rin akong kinalakihang lola... o iba pang mga kamag-anak. Ang alam ko lang, may lahing Brazilian si papa dahil ganoon ang mama niya. Iyon nga ang dahilan kung bakit naiiba ang mga mata ko sa karamihan.

Pulis ang ama ko. Masasabi kong matapang siya, maraming kakilala at marami ring takot sa kanya. He was a proud man who'd bring his friends or colleagues at home to drink beer and all that. Gayonpaman, alam kong marami rin ang may ayaw sa kanya. Madalas kong marinig na pinag-uusapan siya at... ganoon lang. Nakikinig lang ako parati. I didn't have the guts to stop them from talking about my father because I knew that somehow, they were right.

"Adik ang tatay niyan, e, 'di ba? Pulis pero adik... 'no?"

I sighed, remembering that a statement like that was so common for me to hear.

I didn't know what happened to my mother, the real one, even if I've been curious about her. I usually just hear from the neighbors that she was... a battered wife who chose to run away. And whenever I tried to ask my father about her, he would only leer at me, and oftentimes I'll end up being scolded. Some people said that my mother was originally from... somewhere in Ilocos. I couldn't remember the exact place. They said that she's not the usual mother that kids would grow up with, too. 'Slow' daw siya... 'utu-uto' at 'isip-bata'. I couldn't understand then because I was very young... so I just settled in the thought that at least, I had my father with me.

Nasa dalawa o tatlong beses yata kaming lumipat ng lugar ni papa. Madalas kasi siyang na-i-re-report sa barangay hall, nagsisimula ng gulo, at isa pang dahilan ay ang... pagtatago niya, na sa pagtanda ko na lang naintindihan. Siguro'y dahil nakikita at naririnig ko rin mismo ang hinaing at pag-uusap ng ibang tao, I knew that my father had this thinking that he was superior over anybody in the town. I think it's because he was a policeman and also because he had a gun.

Tumanda na ako nang maintindihan kong kaya hindi naparusahan kaagad si papa ay baka... dahil iyon sa koneksyong mayroon siya sa ibang taong nasa itaas ang posisyon.

High school na ako nang makita ko mismo ang paggamit niya ng isang ilegal na gamot. I didn't confront him about it at first. Wala akong lakas ng loob. But, I was sure of what I saw. Nasa edad katorse na siguro ako nang makita ko iyon pero sinarili ko lang, at kung alam man ng iba... hindi ako nanguna para isuplong siya. Aminado akong natakot ako sa magiging epekto noon kung isusumbong ko siya. Also... I knew that a part of me held on to the love and care that I had for him. After all, he was my father. I couldn't report him to the authorities.

Sinubukan ko siyang kausapin, awatin kung maaari sa ganoong gawain kalaunan, but he didn't listen to me.

At isang taon matapos kong makita ang ilegal na gawain ni papa, hindi ko alam na kusang darating ang kabayaran doon at makakaharap ko pa mismo. Tulog ako noon, walang ka-alam-alam na ilang araw at gabi na palang minamanmanan ang kilos ni papa. Madalas kasi sa umaga hanggang hapon ay nasa eskwela ako... at sa gabi naman ay tulog na agad pagkatapos kumain at gumawa ng assignments. But apparently, that night was very different. Akala ko, may mga magnanakaw na nakapasok dahil naka-sibilyan ang mga lalaki pagkakita ko. Hindi ko sila kilala pero si papa ang hanap nila.