the girl who lost things

part seventeen

— emily's pov

I open the door, finally ready to tell Jessie. I drop my bag and head to Jessie's room. "I'm back." I open the door. She's sitting there reading a book. I sit right next to her. "Hi, mom." she closes her book. Her eyes looked drain. She looked thinner, way thinner. Almost sick looking.

" I'm sorry." I look her in the eyes with tears erupting. She leans into me. I could tell she was crying too. I look her in the eyes. she calls even more and hugs me even harder.  She unlatches and looks at me.

-- jessie's pov

nows the time. " Someone came to my school today." I look at her, eye to eye. " he, knew things mom." I look at her with my eyes watering. " he had a message for you." she looks concerned. " he said; tell Lauren I said hi." Emily takes a big breath. I could tell she wanted to break down. She looks at me.

" You know I love you, right?" I nod. " I will do anything to ensure your safety." I nod again. Where is this going? My hand starts to shake. Control. She lets it out. "I think you need to stay in Italy with your grandma a little."  tears stream down my eyes. 

" No, why?!" She looks at me with so much remorse. "Jessie."

"No, I can handle myself; I know how to survive!"

"Jessie."

" No, mom. I'm not leaving." my voice raises even higher. It's tears and cracks. "Jessie! it's final, your leaving as soon as possible!"

-- emily's pov

When I said those words, I could see the sadness strike her face. I walk into the bathroom and close the door. I hope and pray I'm doing the right thing.  I look at myself in the mirror. Stay strong for her. I hear her close her door. The tears come out of my eyes. 

-- jessie's pov

I pack my bags, clothes, and hygiene stuff. I fill about a month's worth of things. Finally, my eyes begin to swell. I'm strong enough. She doesn't understand that I can do this. I've been doing this; dancing with danger and never getting hurt.

I am strong. I dial his number. " Hello?" 

" Yes."

"I'm going on a trip for a while. But I haven't told anyone." my eyes water. I remember when he gave me his numbers in case of emergencies. But, what could be worse than this.

" Just hope Clara stays alive till then."  the call hangs up. My eyes start to flood. I am strong. I can handle myself. Clara can handle herself. She was doing it before by herself. I pull do my pants to reveal my hips, cut after cut. Till the blood begins to spill. At least, I'm getting smaller right.

Emily knocks on my door. " Do you need help packing?" Every time I hear her voice, it just makes me cry. " No." She comes closer to me. I go into my bed and turn off the light.

-- emily's pov

I stand there, looking at her. My baby. My whole world. I get right next to her in bed. Even though she hates me right now. I still need to feel her love.

----

The morning time hits. Last night I made the calls to her school and dance about her upcoming absence.

-- jessie's pov

I grab my bags and bring them to the front door. "I made eggs," Emily yells from the kitchen. Great!! Food. I walk over to the kitchen and sit on the island.  She had made scrambled eggs and toast with orange juice. I'll give her the satisfaction of me eating this once.  After we're done, we head to the airport. The ride was quiet. I guess we didn't want to talk about any goodbyes. 

" When am I coming back?" I say, breaking the silence. " Soon, very soon," she says, keeping her eyes on the road.

" Is the guy from my school the one your running from?" 

"I'm not running; I'm fighting. But you not getting caught in the crossfire." she speeds the drive faster. I remain quiet.

-- 

The airport was packed, everybody going everywhere. We walk to the gate. Italy.  An all too familiar feeling hits my heart. I don't want to leave her. I don't want to lose her. I sink into her arms one last time—dwelling on her lavender perfume. I'll see her again.

Mom looks at me with tears coming out of her eyes. "The last call for Italy."  the P.A system announces. This was all happening way, too fast. Emily comes and hugs me. " I love you." I don't want to go, and I want to stay and fight. I want to protect her.

"I love you, too." We don't exchange goodbyes. We depart.