the girl who lost things

part forty-nine

-- jessie's pov

Derek slams the door shut, and I could see Penelope, Reid, savannah, and Emily all sitting on the couch in angst. Emily runs over to me and hugs me. Kissing my forehead like thirty times.

" I'm fine." I was walking upstairs.

" come and sit down." Derek's voice sounded angry and concerned. I go towards the single armchair and sit down. Smelling like pine and flowers. It looked like I was in an intervention circle.

" I'm sorry." I finally let out. It would be easier if I just apologize now before the yelling comes in.

" do you know how worried we were?" savannah says. What does she care? She would like it if I was gone. She would have Derek all to herself. I shake my head; I knew it was a rhetorical question, but shaking my head just felt right.

" where were you?" Emily says, her eyes still semi-red. But she looked disappointed. I didn't say anything. Reid looks at me with such a worried look. Same with Penelope.

" You see! this is what I was trying to avoid."

" what? what were you trying to avoid." Emily says. I look at savannah. She probably already knew. Derek tells her everything. Everything except his hidden attraction to Emily. She looked at me like she knew. She definitely knew.

" you guys were probably thinking I was getting raped again?" I look at all of them, no denial. They all looked guilty. They chose to victimize me. I scoff and walk upstairs. This is what I was trying to avoid.

All their questions, the background checks, the angst, and suspicion. I was trying to be normal. I close my door and start to change.

I was now in my bra and underwear. I could feel my fat. Then, I hear a knock on the door. It was Emily's. she knew I wasn't going to answer. So, she opens the door anyway.

She looks at my recovered body. She comes on the bed and tells me to move—another pep-talk.

" I'm sorry," she says. Of course, she's sorry. I get off the bed and pick out the clothes that I'm going to wear. sweatpants and a graphic tee. " what were you doing?"

I look at her; I'm not telling her. I grab my towel and slam the bathroom door shut.

-- emily's pov

I hear the slam; she's mad at me; I can't blame her. I choose to treat her like a victim, and she hates that. Savannah enters the room.

" they had a case. They had to go. " I nod my head. Savannah comes and sits right next to me.

" Emily, with all this aside, I know about you and Derek." I turn my head towards her. How? and what did she know; we never did anything together.

" what are you talking about?" I play it off, made it seem like she was wrong. Because, in a way, she was.

" you tell a lot of secrets when your drunk." seriously. I need to cut myself off. I distort my face. What did I tell her?

" like what?"

" like how you've always loved Derek but never knew how to say it." my face turns into a frown quickly. " and how you fantasized about sleeping with him." she wasn't wrong, but dang, I need to stop drinking. " but, then you told me that he chose me and you respect that and that you would never cross me." I look at her. Maybe I'm not a complete witless idiot.

" I'm so sorry." that's all I could say; I hear the bathroom door open. Jessie and her wet curly hair come out of the bathroom.

— jessie's pov
it looked like Emily saw a ghost. She looked like she was regretting a lot. Like her life decisions. She looked miserable; I actually felt bad for her.

I grab my hairbrush and hand it to her. " can you do my hair?" she looks at me with a smile; she hasn't done my hair since I was twelve.

" sure, sure." I sit on the floor, and I can feel her tampering with my hair. Savannah was just sitting there.

ok, I guess I'll break the silence. " I met a guy." I could feel Emily's hands pause over my head.

" go on." I feel Emily brushing the ends of my hair.

" that's why I was out late; it was our first date. I fell asleep." Savannah comes and sits down in front of me.

" what's his name?" I could feel Emily starting the first braid.

" James, I actually like him."