the girl who lost things

part twenty-seven

day two

-- jessie's pov

" hurry, Jessie!" Desiree backs the beach noodles into the car. I nod and go back to the mirror; I look ugly in all the swimsuits. I had three laid out on the bed.

Sarah comes into the room and sits next to me. " you know, you look beautiful in all of them." she says, picking up the black two-piece. She hands it to me. " don't worry about anything, this one day. Let yourself have fun." she kisses my forehead and leaves.

I guess she's right; I can go back to planning my big getaway plan tomorrow. I put on the black swimsuit. I look skinny; I pinch my fat on my sides. Not thin enough.

I put an oversized shirt over it and run to the car. " I'm here." I open another, ensure and down it.

" ok, so we are going to ride the wave." desiree says, rolling down the windows to let her hands out.

The drive was long, but it was fun. We sang songs and told stories. I learned that Derek was a wild kid in his youth. I let out a huge laugh which makes ensure come out of my nose.

Which causes the whole car to burst out laughing. I was having fun.

We arrive and set up our place. Four beach chairs and an umbrella. We all apply sunscreen and converse with each other.

" the waves are coming in!" Sarah yells, running into the ocean; with that, everybody else follows. I take off my shirt and run with them.

We all splash into the wave and try to fight it. seeing who goes the furthest. " I'm winning!" I push on the tide, and then I feel something pull at my leg. I turn around, and it Derek. He pulls me behind and starts gaining waves. " your cheating!"

He lets out a laugh and makes it to the stop line. I was second then came desired and Sarah. we talked and jumped the waves. " you're having fun?" Sarah says, patting me on the back. I nod and let out a real smile.

" a big one!" Desiree says; she goes underwater. Then, the same with Derek and Sarah. I was confused and reacted too late. The wave sweeps me away; water and sand collapsed on top of me and spat me out onto the shore.

I could hear my name being called, but I was still rubbing the sand out my eye and coughing up the saltwater. Then, I feel a familiar touch. " are you ok, kiddo?" Derek says. Finally, I'm able to pull myself together. I open my eyes to see them in front of me.

" THAT WAS GREAT!" I say, letting out an exasperated laugh. They pull me up and let out a laugh of relief.

" picture time!" Derek runs back to our spot and pulls out a camera. We all pose and take pictures. severe and goofy.

-- JJ's pov

I get a ping on my phone from Derek.

three attachments

it was photos of them at the beach, Jessie. She was happy.  I find a seat on the couch next to will.

" you ok, honey," he says, rubbing my shoulders. I shake my head and lay on his shoulder.

" do you think this is a good place for Jessie?" I look at him, my eyes as serious as can be.

" you can't go playing hero with everyone you think needs help," he says, which makes me look at him up and down. What did he mean by that

" excuse me?"

" well, I'm just saying. We have a kid; we don't need to have responsibility for another one. Especially an ill one." he moves closer to me, trying to lean me back into his chest.

" will! are you serious?!" I push him off of me.

" What?!" he sounds genuinely surprised.

" my friend is gone! I've known her daughter longer than I've known you!" I say, taking my phone from the couch. " and there's nothing wrong with having mental problems!" I say, picking up the toys henry left out.

" what are you trying to say, JJ? that you're more attached to her than me?" gosh, this idiot.

" no! will. I'm saying she deserves love and attention. to grow and flourish! not to sit here miserable." I look him in the eyes. " she wants to be appreciated."

" shes not your sister!"

-- jessie's pov

everybody was sunbathing; I saw a guy doing an ice bath challenge for a giant teddy bear. five dollars. " Derek, can I have five dollars for a game?"

he reaches into his wallet and pulls out a ten. " be safe!" he puts his shades back on and goes back to sunbathing.

I walk to the area. I could feel the stares of every older man and Every college frat boy. It made me want to puke. Your ok! a lot of them were staring at my thighs, ahh, my cuts.

I give the man five dollars, and he pairs me up with a middle-aged white guy. " come on, she's a little girl!" I look at him, making sure he sees my glare.

"I can handle myself." I hear some ooh's and ahh's. Leeches.

We both submerge ourselves into the water; it was freezing like colder than cold. I could hear the man's teeth chattering. Control yourself. Get lost in your thoughts, I tell myself.

Him, the guy who raped you. Whos currently raping someone else because you want to have fun.

She, the mother. The person who made you who you are. Then, abandoned you.

It, the voice that tells me that I'm not thin enough. The voice that wants me to die.

I go deeper into the water; now, my mouth is submerged.

The scars show pain and control.

Your childhood was ripped away; your innocence was taken. tears start to flood my eyes; I go deeper,

deeper,

deeper,

deeper

I heard comption on the surface, but everything was slowly fading. Then, I rush of air comes to me. Someone's pulling me out.

I open my eyes, and its Derek. A towel wraps around me as I'm faced with the hot sun. He's saying something, but I don't listen; I walk and get my giant teddy bear.

" Jessie!" I snap out of the trance-like state I was in. I turn to look at him. " you could've died!" he seems genuinely worried.

" But I didn't!"