the girl who lost things

part thirty-nine

— emily's pov
we all sat at the table; Derek, Jessie and Derek's girlfriend, savannah. It hurt me a lot. She was a beautiful Carmel with long brunette hair and a smile that could light up the world.

He deserved her, right?

I could see Jessie nudging at her pasta; she was recovering a lot better; she was a lot happier and open. But I know this was hurting her. this "family meet up."

— jessie's pov
" so, your 14?" She says I look at Derek; gosh, he looked so happy with her. I've never seen him like this with anyone else except Emily, but the sparks were way more than even that.

" yea, I'm turning fifteen in a month. how about you?" I smile, implying that it was a joke.

She laughs, a quirky laugh, but she found it funny. We continue with the small talk, but I could see Emily; she's good at masking emotions from everybody except me; she was sad and a little jealous. She was talking and laughing, but I could definitely see right through it.

" mom, I think it's happening again." I walk towards the bathroom, and Emily excuses herself and follows me. She ties up my hair.

" ok, remember, take a deep breath," she says

" I'm fine. I'm fine. But your not." I lift her head. " is it because of savannah?" there was a little bench in the bathroom, and I bring her to sit on it.

" they're happy together," she says, looking at me with a forced smile. I nod and hug her.

" we'll find you, someone." I lay my head on her shoulder. I could hear her crying even more. Did I say something wrong?

I look at her, " did I say something?" she shakes her head and pulls me by her side.

" I couldn't ask for a better daughter." I couldn't help but smile; I kiss her on the forehead. I grab a cold, wet paper towel and pat it on her face.

she can't come back out looking like her cat died.

— emily's pov
we walk out of the bathroom and back to the table, where Morgan and Savannah were lip-locking. I clear my throat, and I could see the embarrassment wipe over their eyes.

It actually made me laugh, and Jessie was too.

" you ok, now?" he says, trying to steer the conversation away from what just happened.

" I'm fine. Did you have time to catch your breath?" Jessie cracks the joke. I try to hold my laughter, puffing my cheeks like a fish.

" hahaha, funny." he throws a cloth at her.

—
the dinner was fine; Derek stayed at Savannah's. Jessie was fast asleep.

I was so proud of her, so strong. Even with everything she's been through. She reminded me of a little me. My phone dings...

Are you still up for the offer?

I take a deep breath and respond.

yes

I don't know how I would tell Jessie, but; there were so many unsolved issues with me being back. I wasn't the same, and it would be good for Jessie to have a new change of space after everything?

— jessie's pov
I knew mom was still up; she thought I was sleeping.

I couldn't sleep; I haven't been able to sleep in four days. My birthday was in a month, but other than that, there was nothing to live for.

I want to be happy for Emily and the team, but what's the point. Fake it till you make it, they say. Well, it doesn't work; I'm getting tired of acting ok.

I'm getting tired of people treating me like a victim.
I'm tired of me being fat in my ugly recovering body.
I'm just so tired.

And I don't know what to do about it.

Authors note

hi! I want to leave a suggestion box open.

Why do you guys want to see it happen in this book? It can be something that happened in criminal minds or something that hasn't!

Feel free to drop it in the comment section!!