the girl who lost things

revival

— jessie's pov
I wake up from the couch and make my way to the bathroom, quickly brushing my teeth and washing my face.

I walk to Garcia's office, " good morning!"

" hi! my little sugar plum!" she kisses me on my forehead. " we have him!" I look at her in shock.

" Are you serious!" I look at her with glossy eyes; I'm always crying. Eww.

She nods and walks me to integration room five. I see his face, smutty and dirty. It makes my blood boil. Derek is already in their grilling him. For what?

" what's going on?"

" his son is missing." She walks away, and I take the chance to go inside.

I hear Morgan talking to me, but I need to give him something. I slap him as hard as I can with a swift motion, with all the blood, sweat, and tears.

" you killed her!" I yell into his face, Morgan holds one of my hands, but I flick it off. I took a photo of her and me when  I was younger. I slap it on the metal table. " this is who you took away from me!" I take another picture from my pocket. Then another. Showing him all the love she gave me. Happiness.

He looks distressed. " you don't deserve a son; you deserve to feel the same thing I did! But, I'm not like you because when we find him, I'm going to tell him how much of a bastard his father is." he rattles the table, and I walk out.

The anger slowly fades into sadness. I blink about three times, trying to stop everything from being blurry. But it doesn't work. I feel the light head. Everything goes black for a second. But I think someone catches me. It's was JJ. She walks to the discussion room and places me on the couch.
" I'm fine!"

" no, you're not! when was the last time you ate?"

" last night!" I did, I purged, but I ate.

She hands me a caprisun and some Cheetos. The calories, but I was craving them. I take them and slowly eat them.  she gives me a few stares, but it was different; it was like she was about to reveal a secret.

She then calls the rest of the team in here. Everybody was around the table. She starts talking.

" We know that Ian Doyle can't crack." She says, looking directly at me. Hotch comes right next to her. " but there is someone who can crack him."

Then hotch jumps in, " during the hospital stabbing, Emily was transferred to Bethesda hospital in a helicopter. we said she was dead for her, ours and Jessie's safety." My lip begins to quiver, and cold chills run over my body.

" I gave her a couple of passports, and I sent her to Paris to live in the shadows, but now-." I hear footsteps, and we all turn our heads to the door.

It was her; it was my mother. Everybody runs to give her a hug except Derek and me. She spends her time with each of them, acting like she hasn't scarred any of them. She walks up to Derek. He was still stunned. She gives him a look of compassion and hugs him.

By this time, even more, anger was fueling my blood. She comes to me, with her eyes already deep red. She stoops to look at me, her heart locket dangling from her neck. It made my eyes flood with tears; she looked at me with sympathy and pity. I can't do this not today.

I push her away and run into the office that was under construction. She did not deserve a hug, did she? I saw papers upon papers, and I just wanted to destroy them; I scatter the papers all over the floor. Ripping boxes and smashing glasses.
Why!? Why?! I wanted to scream, do something to ease my anger.

The place was a mess, but I found a corner to sit in.
Did I even have the right to mourn, to feel this pain? How was I supposed to feel? Good? Sad? Angry?

I started to pick at my skin like ever before, drawing blood quickly. I can't! Banging my head on the wall.
" NO, NO, NO." I could feel blood on the back of my head.

More, just end it. It would be embarrassing to live. I hear the doorknob turn; the footsteps matched Derek. he ran over to me, putting his hand between my head and the wall. I lean to him, sobbing even more. We just sit there, me crying and him comforting me.

" Listen, it's ok." I could feel time passing. It has been like hours. But Derek was still there. Hugging me, telling me it was going to be ok. I started getting tired. My eyes were getting heavier.

Until I get lost in my mind.

— emily's pov

we found him, Declan; he's safe. But I don't know about Jessie. She looks sick, thin. What did I do? I walk to Garcia's office. I see some pictures of Jessie on her mantle. This one was new; I pick up a photo of her with Derek and his siblings. 

She was so thin; her legs covered in scars.. I look closer to see they were words. The words control. Did I do this to her? 

I hear footsteps and turn around it was Derek; I wipe my wet face. I was clearing my throat.

" thank you!" I say, holding the picture. " she looks happy."

" Emily, I -." he stopped and looked at me, I was trying so hard not to breakdown, and he could see it. He comes and wraps his arms around me. Comfort, I haven't felt that in a long time. In his arms, I broke down. 

What if Jessie doesn't like me anymore? How will she ever recover? I hear more footsteps and turn my head to see her at the door—my daughter.

Upon better inspection, her collarbones were caving in. eye were sunken. She glares at me. The same glare she gave me 11 years ago when I was about to adopt her, a look of hope and sadness mixed. Her eyes started to stream with tears. I could see her hands shaking.

I detach from Derek, and she runs to me. Ramming into me, she puts her butterfly weight on me, and we both collapse. I could hear her sobbing into my chest. I could feel her heart, her breathing. I bury my head into her frizzy, curly hair. I was trying not to break. 

" don't ever leave me, again," she says; with those words, I shatter. 

I won't ever leave you again.