HOME | Levi Ackerman (I, II)

Chapter 5

          I walked in, trying to be as much discrete as possible and closed the door behind me. I took a look around at my old house and found the bloodstain where I'd last seen the dead body of my dad. The place smelt of death and everything was covered in dense dust.

        I opened one of the small windows to be able to breathe while I was in there, and took in the colors that painted the room. I decided to clean the floor while I searched around for the tea set that I planned on giving to Levi as a late birthday present.

          I can't believe I can back here after all that talk... There must be something wrong with me...

          Only three hours passed by since Levi left my house to go do whatever he needed to do and I kept wondering about that tea set. I was curious to see what my old house looked like as I hadn't walked by since I ran away two years ago.

          I smiled at the picture of me next to my parents as a baby, and couldn't stop thinking about how things went so wrong with us. I couldn't believe my mother had left us behind to escape to the surface but ended up dead by police officers, leaving my dad to take care of me when I was only two years old. I thanked whoever I had to thank for not having any major memories of her, but that picture always made me want to throw up.

          In moments like these, am I supposed to cry for them?

          I wondered if I was born with a default in my system that blocked me from having the right emotions in such type of moment. Someone like Levi that only sees me joking around when I'm with him couldn't imagine how rotten and unstable I really am on the inside. And maybe, it was the same way for him too.

        No matter how I tried, I'd never really show much affection to my dad, but we still got along pretty well. His death traumatized me so much that I tried to talk to people as much as I could, in a jokingly way, while still struggling with what to say.

        I couldn't say the emotions I felt while talking to Levi were fake, but sometimes I guilt tripped myself into thinking I was not genuine. I got upset easily and auto sabotaged myself a lot when I stopped to think about my imperfections, but I tried to keep it away from my line of thoughts and enjoy the time I spent with Levi, or Daniel (when we got to see each other once a month).

          "Let's just get this done." I whispered to myself and finished cleaning the place.

          I decided I wouldn't just take the tea set, but my family photos and candles too. I placed everything I wanted from the house inside a bag that I sewed days ago, which ended up being a lot more things than I expected, and finished cleaning the floor.

          Angry because the bloodstain wouldn't come off, I threw the broom away and it collapsed against a wardrobe breaking a few glasses and pieces of ceramic that my mom left for us.

          If I stay here I am going to have a hell of a meltdown.

         Looking at the broken pieces, I wondered how come she ever managed to buy such expensive things. It didn't make sense to me as I was told she was raised around there. I sighed, stressed with the whole post-traumatic trouble that the house was giving me and raised my hand to my face, shutting my eyes tight. Maybe, going to that house wasn't such a great idea like I thought it would be in the beginning.

          I straightened myself and grabbed the bag, putting it over my shoulder and back. I looked around, searching for something that wasn't there and when I didn't find someone calling my name while sitting on the sofa with a smile, I turned around finally being able to leave the place.