He's Not Dangerous {Hayes Grier Fanfic}

-38- He's Gone

Hayes POV

There's a void in me. I feel like there's this huge gaping hole, right in my chest. I feel as if everyone can see it, see inside me, see that something from me is missing. Only Amber Elizabeth Rhodes is capable of filling this void.

I've been thinking a lot this past week. This week after Amber broke up with me. I've been thinking about Eva a lot. And I've been thinking about Amber. But this void, this void is the thing that's killing me. It keeps me from eating, sleeping, I can't even shower to keep myself clean. I'm becoming my mom. You see how that turned out. I've become such a sick person I'm referencing my mom's death. What's wrong with me?

I asked Eva out on August 18, 2012. That was the summer before our sophomore year. I fell in love with her about a week later. She was perfect. Eva and I had something special, we thought we'd be together forever. Until I shot her; quite a deal breaker that is.

I asked Amber out on January 3, 2015. But the difference between her and Eva-I was already in love with her. I had fallen in love with her that one second, the one second she yelled at that guy for throwing down his cup when I was picking up trash. I hadn't known it then but now I do. That was the exact moment when I fell in love with her. She was feisty and beautiful but caring and sweet and she was everything I wanted. She is feisty and beautiful but caring and sweet and she is everything I want.

After reminiscing over these past memories and crying about 4x my weight in tears, I come to my final thought. The final thought that I haven't had in a few months since I've been with Amber and all. The final thought that will make this void end make it disappear. I hate myself and I hate this and I hate life. I want Amber, even more than Eva, I want her. But she's scared of me. Amber's scared of me and doesn't want to be with me and I can't live without her. My final thought: I want to die.

But another thought counters it: You don't want to die. You just want to prove to yourself and Amber, you're not dangerous. And that's the thought that saves my life. I'm going to do something, not commit, something that will prove I can be okay. That Amber doesn't have to be scared of me. That I won't hurt her, never. That I love her with all of my heart and want to be with her forever. And it's gonna be really hard, really hard. But I have to. For her.

So I go. And I do it. I sign up for the one thing that's gonna change my life, the one thing that may mend my relationship with Amber. I take a shower for the first time in a week, comb my hair, and set out to do it.

It's done. I've done it. I'm leaving tomorrow. Which means I have one night to talk to Amber and explain. To explain that I still love her and will never stop and this is all for her. That I want her to know I'm not dangerous and I'm sorry. So I call her.

Amber doesn't pick up like I figured she wouldn't. I guess it's better to leave a message, to explain myself without worrying about her hanging up.

After the tone, I start my message. "Hey Amber, I know you probably don't want to hear from me but I need to tell you my life has been shit since you left it..."

Amber POV

A week after I left Hayes sitting in Steak N Shake, I have no clue what to do with myself. My sister's in town and she tries to console me but with her hanging out with Will every second, it's not helping very much. My parents understand my pain and try to comfort me as well as Reb, Cam, Danielle, and Ben do but nothing helps. They don't understand.

I know why I broke up with Hayes and I know I had to. But now that it's all done, I feel as if it was the stupidest decision I've ever made in my life. Why the hell would I break up with Hayes? He was the hottest, sweetest, funniest, most caring person ever and I know how much he loved me. But at the same time I realize who the other side of Hayes is. The one who shoots people and beats them up and lies and breaks promises. That's the Hayes I wanted to break up with. But unfortunately, I had to break up with both.