𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐍 ◦ 𝐈𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

𝐉𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐊𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐢𝐧 || 𝐈 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐍𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐘𝐨𝐮

𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠: 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐀𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞? ~ 𝐂𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐧 𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐫

(Season 4 version Jean Kirschtein)

Warning: Angst, Feels, Cuteness

Words: 1.2k

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Days and Days pass by, thought ran through my mind without a second thought about everything. I have never felt so lonely, losing my best friend a few years back while regaining our land. She was very special, but the moment she died I tried to push everyone away so then I wouldn't mourn for anyone else's. For some reason though, I have grown beside many people and I am still alive to this day.

Pent up in my own thoughts and feelings, I felt alone recalling the past with my best friend. Remembering her words, remembering her laughs and mishaps we had together and losing her along with my parents it made me feel really alone.

Walking into dinner I found a table by myself grabbing my meal, I sat down and minded my own business. Eren, Armin and Mikasa were always together as usual and Connie, Sasha and Jean were always together and me? I never had my group, and I felt so alone that I feel like if I died no one will notice my absence. 

"Hey.....can I sit here?" I hear a familiar voice asks me, as I look up to the one and only Jean Kirschtein. He was the only one trying to reach out to me, the only one making an effort to keep me from being alone.

"Uh.....s-sure,"

He sits down opposite of me when he looks into my eyes, "How are you going?" he asks me softly, as I lower my eyes.

"......"

"Come on (Y/N), I can't help you if you stay silent?" he pleads softly, as I bit my lip trying my best not to sob.  I take my cup of water, drinking it slowly letting the cool liquid go down refreshing my dried state. 

"Sorry......I just...." i couldn't grasp the words, feeling my voice disappear. "...feel tired."

"Okay, but if there is anything going on.....please let me know?"

"Okay,"

After a while eating I left before he could talk to me, as I head out at night. The moon shone down from the sky, as my eyes light up with it's beauty. I took in a deep breathe, taking in this peaceful moment. For some reason i find it hard to grasp at killing every single titan, knowing we are free from their gnashing jaws. From the killing, but I knew deep down further down the track that war is gonna break loose.

Once I found the training area, I began to train my hardest as I do every single night and morning. I found it a punishment for me, letting my friend die taking her life instead of mine. She was the sister of Marco Bodt, and the two sibling didn't make it and I even thought about how Jean was feeling being Marco's closest friend.

Sweat drips down my forehead not knowing how long I have been training for, but I ignored the time and pushed myself. Dried blood cracked around my knuckles from punching too hard, or splintering them. To be honest I shouldn't pity myself, because Jean was going through the same thing. Why do i have to be such a damn sulk, why do i have to cry and feel depressed about it?!

"(Y/N).....it's midnight, come on......you're gonna catch a cold," I hear a familiar voice, as I turn to see Jean standing there. The way his slightly longer hair tousled, and the way the moon reflected in his hazel eyes. I felt sick to the stomach, as I froze in place.

"J-Jean.....w-what are you doing out here?" I question, my heart beating rapidly.

"Well....you didn't look good at dinner today, and I was worried," he admits softly, walking up to me. My body was trembling wanting him to just leave, but then a part of me wanted him to stay. My voice trembles unable to speak, as a few tears slide down. Swallowing thickly I saw sadness in his eyes, "It's (F/N), isn't it?"

I purse my lips together trying to hold in my sobs, "W-Well you shouldn't be, I'm just training," i reply, covering my wavering voice. "Besides......she is always in my mind, wouldn't I think about her?"

"I can tell when you're not okay now, I do know now and I hate seeing you like this," he says, as my eyes widen. "I know it hurts, I know how much you miss her. I miss Marco too, but now.....we can't go back."

"I know that!" i snap, as my eyes widen.

He didn't flinch nor held no reaction before stepping forward to me, as I step back a few steps feeling like I don't need anyone. "(Y/N)........I'm always gonna be here," He whispers softly, tears threatening to spill.

"N-No...I-I can't, no one should get attached to me!" I stammer, as I stumble back tripping down onto the ground. I gasp in fright for a second, when I saw him kneel down near me. 

"Well I want too, because you are special to me," He whispers softly, seeing so much kindness in his eyes.

"Jean....." i whisper, my breathe shudders in response before he embraces me. I gasp in shock never feeling this feeling before in a long time, as I tense up in his arms. He rubs my back trying to ease the tension before I start to relax my shoulder, slowly wrapping my arms around his toned body. His warmth felt comforting, feeling more comfortable than I was before. Tears start to roll down my cheeks, before I began to cry into his chest. My throat was strained, feeling pain in my chest hating this damn world.

"It's gonna be okay," he whispers gently, his breathe hits my neck.

"J-Jean......I just.....I just need you," I cried, as I hear him chuckle.

"Same here, I'm always gonna be here for you (Y/N)," he says softly, as we stayed like this for a bit. I clung onto him knowing I had to put their deaths in the past and move forward, and now we are at a sudden break from fighting I have been feel more depressed than before. With Jean here, he gave me a chance to forget and move forward with him.

"Thank you.....J-Jean...." i cry into his shoulder, when I felt him peck my temple gently.

"Anything.....I will stay beside you no matter the cost," He whispers. "I just need you, and you need me."

"Right,"

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A/N: Sorry if this came out a little cheesey or too emotional. I didn't have a great day, but I will be doing some more happy and wholesome stories soon. Anyway have a great day or night and stay safe 

~ Little Bean