Burning Heart

Clashing Thoughts

Walking alone in the city, Seokjin's feet were leading him to the Han River. He wanted a quiet place with fresh air to sort out his thoughts and speak to his mother but on the way there, his eyes landed on an empty park and so instead of going further away, Seokjin decided to simply sit down on the swing there. He stayed in silence for so long, pushing himself ever so slightly on the swing as he looked down at his legs, a sigh leaving him so often.

Seokjin didn't know what he was doing. He wanted to talk with his mother but he didn't know how to speak to her. He knew she was something from his creation but he still felt nervous. He didn't know that his emotions were the ones affecting his mother so he didn't know what to expect her to say if she speaks nor did he know how he could approach her after not talking with her for what felt like so long. Seokjin was giving the matter a lot of thought and importance in fear of what the outcome would be.

He blinked his eyes when he saw a shadow moving and sitting on the swing next to him. Seokjin didn't need to raise up his head and look to know it was his mother. It was as if she was urging him to speak already.

"Dear, what is it that you want to speak about?"

The thoughts running around Seokjin's mind stopped at hearing his mother's voice. Why was she speaking to him first? He didn't think he'd be able to get her to speak so easily after she had stopped talking but now that Seokjin was thinking about it, he never thought of talking to her or even attempted to do that before now so there wasn't really a proof that getting her to speak would be hard.

Seokjin took in a deep breath and straightened his back and neck. Not looking at the women by his side. He felt even more nervous now that she was speaking again.

"I..." He licked his lips, shaking his head to compose himself.

"You've comforted me when I needed you. Thank you for that but...I don't need you anymore. I have everyone around me to listen to me so you can go now, you don't need to stay with me." Seokjin spoke to her softly. Hoping to get through to her and make her understand that he doesn't need her anymore.

"Then who's going to keep you company? Aren't you going to feel lonely without me?"

"My friends...They're there with me." Was she worried about him?

"Your friends are there? Then why do you still feel lonely when you're with them? I need to be there so that you're never alone." She spoke the truth which Seokjin hated to admit.

"I'm trying to adjust. When things get back to normal, I won't be lonely anymore."

"How do you know things will be normal again? What if they don't?"

Seokjn couldn't answer that question. It was wishful thinking. He was just hoping for things to become better but he was never sure that he could get happier if he stayed with them or that he could just leave everything behind and get back into his old life.

"See? You never know what'll happen. You're not thinking about it the proper way."

"I'm thinking about it every day. I want to be loved and give back the love they're giving so I'm trying to fit back in. I'm trying so maybe things can get better. It doesn't have to be like before."

"And what if you fail?"

Seokjin clicked his tongue. He didn't have answers for everything. He didn't know what he was supposed to do if he fails at adjusting or if they get tired of him and stop loving him.

"I'll think about it then. Now I...I just want to be happy and I don't need you to help me so please...just go away...I don't need you."

"Sweetie...I can't leave you." She smiled softly, looking at Seokjin who finally looked at her in confusion of what she meant by that.