Burning Heart

Making Decisions

"Thank you but I think I'm fine." Seokjin gave a small nod and a soft smile again like he was doing every time he spoke since he had breakfast that morning. Was Yoongi's cooking that good? It definitely wasn't that.

Everyone looked a bit taken aback with Seokjin's immediate answer and smile.

"You can give it a try and if you're not comfortable then you can just stop going but to decline it like that without even trying...give it some more thinking. You don't have to go right away and we can take it slowly." Seokjin's manager spoke calmly. His eyes on Seokjin to try and communicate his care for Seokjin who even though was looking his way, didn't seem like he was actually looking at the man.

"I don't think I need a therapist. It's not like I'm sick. I was just...feeling tired but now I'm fine. I already feel good enough to start practicing again." Feeling tired sounded like the right description of what he was feeling without going too deeply in it. It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth either. What he felt was more than just tired.

"Seokjin-ah, you or anyone going to a therapist does not mean you're a sick person, we don't mean it like that and it's not a bad thing. We suggested it because we know you've been feeling depressed lately and it's understandable because what happened wasn't something easy to take, so to help you cope with it or get over it, we think some professional hand could be helpful." This time it was Sejin speaking. Leaning over the table with his hands clasped together and his eyes on Seokjin like most of the people in the room.

The addressed idol didn't seem to hesitate or think much about whatever words came out of his mouth. Weirdly enough for everyone, he looked composed and the most good he ever looked in so long as if he was really fine if not for the bags under his dark eyes and his skinny body that spoke the truth of his situation.

"It wasn't easy but...nothing lasts forever, right? Life goes on and I just have to...live like this now. I've accepted it already..." He fiddled with his fingers under the table "I've...found a way to cope with it so there is no need for some stranger to find another way for me. I'd rather start practicing instead of wasting my time somewhere else so can we talk about that now instead?" Why was he nervous all of a sudden? He could feel his hands begin to sweat and his heart beat a bit faster.

Seokjin knew no one could read his mind or understand what he's thinking from his eyes but why did he feel like the eyes on him can tell in what way he's trying to cope with the situation. He didn't know when it became a secret but he was afraid of them finding it out. What if they force him into therapy or worse, prevent him from seeing his mother?

He couldn't allow that. No. He didn't need to accept the reality as it is, that would mean letting go of his mother forever. Seokjin needed her by his side.

"Are you su-"

"Yes I'm sure, now could we move onto practicing?" He was too rushed with his answer. Someone must've sensed that he was nervous but he hoped no one did. He needed to calm down and smile.

'Calm down and smile.' He told himself over and over.

Looking at Si-hyuk, the manager asked with his eyes if they should change the topic or not because going back into work was not in the plan for today's meeting.

"Alright then." Si-hyuk let out a sigh. "We've been meaning to have another meeting about work but let's do it now since we have time." He paused for a moment, looking at the six young men sitting in front of him.

"So to get right into it, we've been planning to get the group back into practice for some time depending on how things will go. We will be waiting for Jungkook-ah to hopefully wake up soon before we go back into the public eye but if he takes more than 5 or 6 months to wake up, not to mention the time he'd need to recover then we'll start with the six or five of you at first, depending on Seokjin's situation. For you Jin-ah, you'll need to stay back from practice for some time more even if you say you're fine. The decision has been already made. It'll be some time but you'll go back into work later when we see fit."