Burning Heart

Nap Of A Star

~You can't wake up, this is not a dream~

***

It was fine until it wasn't.

Seokjin wasn't thinking about much when he stabbed his mother. He didn't think it would affect him in any way and even if it did, he thought that death was an option to become free from himself and this world. However, Seokjin didn't think that death is what he really wanted.

At first, Seokjin could only feel dull pain but the moment he realized what he did, hot and burning pain took over his body instantly. He winced before crying out and scrunching up his face. A curse left his mouth as he brought his hand to his chest where blood gushed out. He could feel his breath quicken in fear and panic, his eyes on the crimson color which was painting his hand and clothes. Seokjin's legs felt like jelly as he took a few steps backwards before the pain pulled him down on his knees near the kitchen drawers where he rested his back.

His body was becoming clammy and cold very fast, not helping Seokjin feel any less panicked at all and nor did the pain he felt from pressing on his wound help.

Seokjin couldn't understand how he had stabbed himself instead of his mother. He couldn't understand how he saw the knife pointing at her when it was actually pointing at him. It didn't make sense but Seokjin couldn't really bring himself to think about it much right now.

His mentality was messed up but Seokjin never knew it was that bad, nor did he ever know where that feeling of warmth when he hugged his mother came from or how he could feel her heartbeat and touch her. The truth was that all of what Seokjin felt was his own warmth and own heartbeat. He was never hugging anyone, it was his mind making him see things as he hugged himself. If seen by anyone else speaking to his mother or touching her, it would seem as though Seokjin was speaking to himself and touching himself right where he was touching her, explaining why his own wrist had turned reddish when had thought he was holding his mother's wrist that one time at the park.

"Fuck..." Seokjin cursed as he looked at all the blood that was leaking from him with eyes that trembled. He groaned and moaned in pain, feeling sick. The sight wasn't so pleasant, especially that the blood was coming out from him.

"Someone..." Seokjin had taken back all of his wishes and thoughts about being fine with death. He didn't want to die. Not now.

Looking up with narrowed eyes that trembled, Seokjin saw his mother sitting down in front of him, looking at him in silence. He reached out to her but his hand touched nothing. His breath hitched for a second in surprise, but in his mind, this wasn't the time to wonder why he couldn't touch her.

"Tae! Yoongi!" He called out but pain was shooting up stronger to his chest when he screamed for them. Seokjin closed his eyes in fear that he had cut himself somewhere fatal because of how high the cut was. He couldn't tell what he injured, was it his liver, artery, stomach, Seokjin didn't know but one thing he was sure of was that the knife went in deep inside.

Couldn't they hear his voice searching for them and asking for their help?

A cough was followed by a few others that had blood dripping down Seokjin's mouth right before the world started to dance around him.

"Anyone...I need someone..." He muttered under his breath as he looked around in search for a phone or anything that he could use to let one of the members know of what he did to himself, not noticing that his mother had disappeared from his sight.

When Seokjin found nothing, the tears of pain and fear which had welled up to his eyes had fallen down. His breathing was shallow and his eyes were unfocused as he tried to keep pressure on his cut just like he knew he should do. It was the only thing he thought he could do right now but the blood was still flowing out and pooling around him.