The Price of Love

Chapter 6: No Trouble in Paradise

Bella

I walked into the apartment after a long and tiring Monday at school. Making it worse was that an unwelcome idea had been running through my head ever since Seokjin took me out for dinner to celebrate our anniversary on Friday.

When I objected to the clothing he had sent over as gifts, I wasn't necessarily concerned about taking the clothes but more about the role that I played in Jin's life. He had said repeatedly that I was his true love and that he wanted me to be happy, but lately I'd been feeling as if something was off. I couldn't describe it. Not really.

"Oof! What's that face about?" Cindy asked, breaking me out of my thoughts. She was walking out of the kitchen with a soda in her hand.

I dropped my backpack next to the couch and sank down onto the cushions. "I don't know."

She plopped on the couch next to me. "Yes, you do. What is it?" She looked into my face. "Don't tell me there's trouble in paradise."

I shook my head then stopped suddenly. "I--I wouldn't say trouble necessarily."

Cindy sighed. "Oh, boy. It sounds like trouble."

"Okay, fine. I'm concerned..." I paused and looked at her. "Cindy, do you think Jin really loves me? I mean, do you see it as love?"

She scoffed. "Bella, what kind of a question is that? All I can say is that if he doesn't love you, then he's quite the gifted actor because it certainly seems like love. Why do you ask?"

"Just something that was on my mind." I took a deep breath. "The truth is that I feel as if lately...well...it seems as if all he cares about is, uh, sex."

Cindy was looking at me as if expecting me to continue. Then she blinked. "That's it?"

"For one thing," I replied. "I'm afraid that our relationship is too centered around sex."

"And that bothers you?" she asked slowly.

"Well? Isn't that troubling?" I asked. I noticed that she rolled her eyes. "Cindy, I'm being serious! Stop doing that."

She pursed her lips. "Look, just between us, don't ever complain to anyone else about having too much sex with Seokjin, okay? People will look at you as if you've lost your mind. Plus it makes the rest of us feel utterly worthless. Not to mention envious. I mean, who wouldn't want to have sex with him all the time? Just look at him! You're crazy, girl!"

"Listen to me," I began. "I'm not trying to brag or anything."

"Yeah, uh-huh," she drawled. "But every time you remind others that you get to see that man naked just makes us all feel like losers. Seriously, is he not as good as everyone says?"

"It's not that," I replied, feeling my cheeks getting warm. "He's, uh, really good. He leaves me breathless...and incoherent. Every time."

She sighed. "Oh, what I wouldn't give to have sex with a guy who's not only unrealistically handsome but also actually knows what he's doing. You know, Bella, I think I'm getting depressed now."

"Cindy," I whined. "You know about his past. You know that he's been with, well, lots of girls."

She patted my arm. "And I also know that he's been your boyfriend for three months. I'm sure that he reserves all his attention for you. The guys tell me that he doesn't even notice that other women exist. It's all about you. Think about it. If he used to sleep with a whole bunch of women before--I'm sorry, just hear me out. If he had all these women before, but now he is devoted only to you, doesn't it make sense that all of his physical attention goes to you now?"

"Great," I said dejectedly. "He has sex with me because he has no one else. That doesn't make me feel any better."

Cindy sighed impatiently. "No, you idiot. He has sex with you because you're the only one he wants to be with. He loves you. And if this concerns you so much, you should talk to him about it. He probably has no idea that you're feeling this way. Guys don't have an off button."

I nodded. "I'm just afraid. I feel as if he gives me so many gifts to make sure that I--oh, I don't know what I'm saying. What if he does that to make sure that I feel obligated to him somehow. I have this crazy notion that if I stop accepting his gifts and we cut back on the physical relationship, we may not have anything else." I clenched my fists nervously, afraid that I had voiced my biggest fear out loud. What if Jin's main interest in me was physical? It was something that we did every weekend, every time we were together. All he had to do was look at me, and I melted into his arms. It was all too much.

"What if he gets bored of me?" I asked softly.

Cindy put her arm around my shoulders and squeezed me. "Belly, stop thinking that way. Seokjin loves you. Besides, why would he go to the trouble of giving you all those expensive gifts if it wasn't because he wants to make you happy? Almost every girl around here would offer it up to him for free."

"Cindy!"

"I'm just trying to put it into perspective for you. If three months of constant sheet tangling hasn't cooled his interest, I don't think it will ever happen. Seriously." She paused. "What's the second thing?"

I sighed again. "I also get this feeling that what we have is temporary. I know that his family is wealthy. I feel that he will end up with some high society girl, and I'm just someone to pass the time with. I love him so much, Cindy, but what if that's not enough?"

"As I said before," she began, "he loves you. He's the perfect boyfriend. I think you have to learn to trust him. I know that you still wonder what you did wrong to have Jimin cheat on you last year, but that doesn't mean every guy is like that. That was a totally different situation. Like I said, you and Seokjin have been together for three months. You have leashed the playboy. Has he given you any reason not to trust him?"

"No."

"Then enjoy what you have," she said. "After everything you went through to be together, I think it's clear that he won't leave you. Seriously, Bella, you are so lucky to have each other. There is no trouble in paradise, my dear."

I nodded, hoping that she was right. The doubt lingered on, however.