The Price of Love

Chapter 49: Change

Jin

"I can't believe you haven't called her," Namjoon said. He had come to my apartment to watch a boxing match on TV and to hang out. We were waiting for the rest of the guys to show up. "What are you waiting for?"

I was in the kitchen getting the last of the snacks together. "Why do you care so much?"

"Ahh," he said impatiently and took a swig of his beer. "I already told her everything. The whole story. She knows that you were trying to protect her and her family. You're a hero, bro. There's no way she won't be grateful for that. I can't believe you haven't seen her."

"I've seen her," I corrected him. I came out to the living room and plopped two large bowls on the coffee table next to other bowls and plates of food already there. "I saw her across the courtyard last week."

"And?"

"And...I came home. I don't think she saw me." I dropped down into the overstuffed chair and placed a foot against the table. I reached for one of the beers in a small cooler next to the table and opened it.

"Are you hiding from her?" he asked.

I took a drink of my beer. "What? No. I just...I've been busy, you know."

"Bullshit!" he exclaimed. "You're being a coward."

The door swung open, and Yoongi, Hoseok, and Taehyung walked in. "Hey!"

"Tell this idiot to stop being a coward," Namjoon said loudly as the guys sat down around the living room. Yoongi grabbed a chair from the kitchen table, turned it around, and sat down.

"Coward?" Hoseok asked in confusion. "What do you mean?" He opened a beer bottle.

"He hasn't spoken to Bella."

Hoseok almost spit out his drink. "Wh-what? Why not?"

Yoongi laughed and shook his head. "Bro, how long are you going to avoid her? It's been three weeks. I can't believe you haven't spoken to her."

"Come on, cuz," Taehyung joined in. "What are you waiting for?"

I felt assaulted from all sides. I put my beer down on the table. "All right! Lay off! Is this why you came over? To badger me like old ladies? Jeez, do the letters MYOB mean anything to any of you girls?"

"Nope!" Hoseok replied with a big smile. "It's obvious to everyone that you're still hung up on her. If she already knows what happened, then why haven't you talked to her?"

I felt all eyes on me. I delayed by taking another swig of my beer. What could I say? I was being a coward. Fiona sent me a copy of the email she had sent Bella explaining everything in great detail so that there was no question that I was not at fault in any way. Then Namjoon told me that he had spoken to Bella, and everything had been laid out in the open--my attempts at protecting her and her family as well as my father and his company and even Fiona and her lover. There was no reason left to think that Bella still blamed me in any way. Yet, there was still doubt on my part.

"Are you just going to leave us in suspense?" Yoongi asked.

I put the bottle down on the table noisily. "Fuck! What do you want me to say? Huh? Everyone already told her what happened. She hasn't even texted me, okay? What am I supposed to do? Before all this shit went down, I had been texting her and calling her almost daily, asking her to believe in me, to trust me. You," I pointed at Namjoon, "told me to leave her alone. But I still tried to talk to her. She stopped replying. Just cold stopped. Then I found out she spent the night with Jimin, and she went out on a date with Pete Harwin. What does that tell you, huh? She's moved on. She's not interested in me."

Namjoon sat on the edge of the sofa. "Bro, I've yet to find a girl who isn't interested in you. And nothing happened with Jimin or Harwin. She told me nothing happened."

"And she told me she would never leave me.  She promised me," I retorted bitterly. "Look at how true that was. So forgive me if I'm skeptical."

They stayed uncomfortably quiet.

I picked up my beer and took another drink. "The thing is that people change. The relationship might look good on the outside, but inside there might be cracks. Throw in hardships and heartbreaks, and things definitely change, sometimes good, sometimes bad. It's beyond our control. You all know it happened to me...once.  I guess it's happened to her, too."

"But do you still love her?" Taehyung asked softly, the blare from the TV almost drowning him out. "Or have you moved on?"

Yoongi cleared his throat. "What he means is have you started fucking other girls, you know, like last time?"

I ran my hand down my face impatiently. "No, I haven't, Yoongi," I snapped.

Yoongi chuckled. "Shit, bro, you've haven't been laid in months! No wonder you're angry."

Namjoon frowned. "That's not what this is about," he said in clipped tones, as if he were offended. "Bella is not just someone to sleep with."

Yoongi held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. You know I didn't mean it like that. But you do look like shit, bro."

"Well, he said that all wrong," Hoseok jumped in. "But he's sort of right, you know. Seokjin, you must care about her very much if you haven't gotten your leg over any other girl, which I'm sure is what everyone expected you to do. You must really feel terrible without Bella. I like her. Very much. She was always cool with us."

Taehyung nodded. "Bella's always been nice to everyone."

Their bantering faded into the background as I thought about my feelings for Bella. Of course, I still loved her, and I definitely wanted to be with her, but had things changed so much between us that we no longer felt the same way? Did I feel the same? Yes. I loved her. Still. Did she?

"She hasn't made any attempt to contact me," I blurted out, causing everyone to stop talking and look at me. Hoseok grabbed the remote and lowered the volume on the TV.

I exhaled. "The last text I sent her was right before everything went down, when I told Tae and Joon what was happening when we were in my office. I told her how I felt about her and asked her to contact me if she decided she wanted to be with me. She never did. And she still hasn't. The ball is in her court, has been for weeks." I shook my head. "There were...there were already problems in the relationship. I think she was having some doubts about me, about my intentions, which was crazy. I mean, she's my life. She saved me. But maybe this was going to happen anyway. I don't know. Maybe that's why she hasn't called."

"Bro, I didn't know. I'm sorry," Hoseok said softly.

"Seokjin, I can't believe it," Namjoon insisted. "She loves you."

"Did she tell you that?" I asked, holding his gaze. "Did she use those words?"

He was the first to look away. "Not...really." There was a charged pause.

"Okay then," I said and picked up my beer bottle. I could feel the edges of my heart splintering. "Hoseok, the volume please. Looks like the fight is about to start. Dig in, guys. There's plenty of food." I flashed the biggest, fakest smile I could muster and looked at the TV screen as if it were the most important thing in the world.