The Price of Love

Chapter 25: Pain

Bella

I sat staring at the beautiful silver bracelet that Jin had given me before we started to date officially last November. We had spent a wonderful, magical holiday break together. We had driven to my parents' house a few days before Christmas and spent a couple of days with them. My parents were enamored of Jin. So much so that they forgot their request of me not to get seriously involved with any guy until after graduation. They were practically planning our wedding already. I remember being so happy that Jin never seemed spooked or fazed by my parents' talks concerning our future.

I was sure we had a future, and he had spoken about our future, but he had always known we didn't have one. He just made me believe that we did.

I recalled that for New Years' Eve, we went to the Bahamas where we saw a spectacular festival that rivaled any Mardi Gras celebration in New Orleans. We stayed at the most beautiful hotel I'd ever seen on a small island that we accessed via seaplane. He said he'd love for us to return on our honeymoon one day.

Just a few weeks ago, we had planned on spending a magical Valentine's Day at a luxurious hotel ordering room service. It was what I imagined heaven would be like if I could be there with Jin.

But instead of heaven, I had ended up in hell. The week before Valentine's Day, he had gotten engaged to someone else. So while he was spending time with his fiancée--in bed, apparently--I was spending my time wondering if it had all been a dream, an illusion. But this pain was no dream. It was real. It was agony, and I couldn't stop second-guessing and scrutinizing every single word, smile, or touch he had ever given me.

It had been over a week since I'd last seen or talked to Jin. Spring break was a week away, and Cindy was making plans for us to go somewhere away from all the drama.

"I know it's cliché," she had said, "but we should go hang out at the beach. You know, meet some cute guys, have a great time. Or I can invite Namjoon and everyone. What do you say?"

I had apparently not given her the enthusiastic response she expected because she had huffed and crossed her arms. "Bella, can't you at least pretend to be excited? I don't want you to mope around forever. Can you make a little bit of effort?"

I had not given her an answer because I did feel like moping around forever. Why did others not understand what I was going through, the gravity of what I'd lost? Jin was my best friend, my partner-in-crime, my lover, my dream, and now he was gone. The thought filled me with despondency even as it emptied me of emotions until the only emotion left was despair.

The next day I resolved to be more positive. I saw Cindy come home after her class, and I looked up from the couch with a smile.

"Hey! Let's make those plans for the beach," I said, hoping I looked excited.

Her face broke out in a smile, and she hopped on the couch next to me. "Yay! I knew you'd come around. Life goes on, right?" I nodded. "Yeah," she continued. "We'll have fun in the sun. Who knows what will happen? There will be lots of hot guys around. Well, they might not be as hot as Seokjin but--" She grimaced. "Damn it! I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to bring him up. That was stupid of me."

"That's...okay," I replied. It wasn't okay, but I had to pretend I'd moved on. "You said you wanted to have the guys along, right?"

She inhaled and exhaled as if steeling herself up for something. After a few more silent moments, I knew something was wrong.

"Cindy? Tell me," I said simply. I knew her too well. She was trying to figure out how to break something to me. "Just tell me."

"I saw Hoseok on campus this morning. So, naturally, I asked him about spring break. I told you and I might invite them to join us. I mean, we can't go wrong having a bunch of hot guys already with us, right? I thought, just in case we don't like the guys we meet there, we'll have our friends to hang out with--and won't the other girls be so jealous--"

"Cindy, tell me," I interrupted her.

She took a deep breath and nodded. "He said they already had plans." She paused and looked me in the eyes. "They've been invited to...to Seokjin's wedding."

I felt the blood drain from my face. So soon? It had only been three weeks, hadn't it?

"There's going to be parties and stuff all week, it seems. He said they don't really want to go, but the stepmother already invited them and ...he's their friend." She held my hand. "Bella. I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you like this."

It took awhile for my brain to register that she had stopped speaking. The loud beating of my heart drowned out all other sounds.

Seokjin's wedding, I kept repeating in my mind. The pain was unbearable. It was shards of glass rubbed cruelly into my skin. It was a sharp dagger slipped slowly but mercilessly into my heart. I got to my feet silently and stumbled into my room. And the tears started again.