Hamilton Oneshots

One Week Later // Leebury

( angst tea anyone ? )

It had only been a week, but Samuel couldn't stop himself from singing to the vinyl playing.

"I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm
Your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy darkened storm," Samuel sang along softly. He danced alone, swaying around the seemingly large room. Samuel knew the room was small, almost half the space held by the couchs and other large furniture, but it felt roomy enough to dance and waltz around as he sang.

"Yes, many loved before us, I know that we are not new
In city and in forest they smiled like me and you," he continued, still swaying around. He wiped a tear off his cheek and continued.

"But now it's come to distances and both of us must try
Your eyes are soft with sorrow
Hey... that's... no way... to say... goodbye," he nearly broke down sobbing, but pushed himself to keep singing along to the song. He needed to, it felt important he kept singing, kept swaying to himself and wiping the tears.

"I'm not looking for another as I wander in my time
Walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme," Samuel wiped more tears, they kept coming faster. Nonetheless, he never lost focus.

"You know my love goes with you as your love stays with me
It's just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea," he continued, trying to smile through the pain.

"But let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't untie
Your eyes are soft with sorrow
Hey, that's... no way... to say... goodbye," Samuel said, knowing the song was going to end soon. Why did it have to end soon? Why did anything have to end soon? Samuel could just play back the record, but real life wasn't a vinyl you could play back. It was so much more complex, almost nothing could be rewinded. He had to live with the the consequences of his actions, or rather, lack of actions. He sang the verse fully, trying his best not to let more tears slip though. He failed and by the time the short ending instrumental was over, he was sobbing to himself.

"Damnit, Charles, why did you need to leave?" he cried out to nothing.

"Why couldn't I stop you?" he muttered softly, wiping away his tears. For a split second, he thought he could feel Charles holding him, that he could smell Charles' signature musky, yet vanilla-y scent, that he could hear Charles mutter "It was never your fault". It wasn't true, though, because Charles was gone, all gone. No saving him, no rewinding to a time he was around and preventing everything. For once, Samuel felt truly alone and pissed at the world. No matter how much he wanted to see the positives of the situation, there was none, Charles was the only important thing to Samuel. People may say they'll take a bullet for someone, but Samuel would take 50 for Charles. Samuel wiped the newly formed tears from his eyes and stared at the ceiling.

He should've been back to his usual self by now, he was when he heard the story of his father's death, why couldn't he had been the same with Charles.

Maybe it was that his father never stayed around, leaving Samuel and his mother to themselves most of the time, while Charles was around as often as possible, even when Samuel told him to leave. Maybe it was all the fake, yet seemingly mandatory "I love you"s he gave to his father, yet all the genuine ones he'd give Charles that never seemed forced. Maybe it was the fact he would never get over Charles' dumb, crooked smile and side-swept hair he always had. Maybe it was that Charles cared until the end and always wanted the best for Samuel.

Maybe Samuel was still in love with someone he couldn't. Someone like Charles. Someone who was Charles. Lord, did Samuel hate past tense when talking about dead people, but he wasn't sure what to do when talking about Charles. What he did know was he had to get ready for the funeral.