Hamilton Oneshots

But... // Leebury

I..I could've sworn, he was right here... He held my hand, so gently, like I was made of glass and would shatter if he squeezed too hard. I wanted him to be real, and he was. But apparently, nothing lasts forever.

I could remember our song, he loved it. It wasn't really my taste, and we loved joking how I hated it, but in the end, it was one of our songs. Another was much more emotional for us, just slow enough, and calm for us to enjoy and fall asleep to. I stared with a small frown at my bear that never left my bed. The bear was named after him. No matter how far he was, I could just imagine the bear as him.

My hand was colder than normal. The chills from the haunting voicemail rang through my body. The last 3 words I heard repeated themselves in my head.

"I love you. You're my best friend, no matter what."

He is irreplaceable to me, I don't care what anyone has said, nothing can make me smile more than a text message from him, a short clip of him singing along to random songs, or even just something not even directed at me. It reminded me that he wasn't something I made up to cope with my lack of friends, that he was real and I was real to him. That I would never be forgotten by him, even if we failed to talk all day. Just hearing those songs could make me sleep soundly for weeks. They could never get old from how often I heard them.

Tears always burn the worst when they've hit the same spot repeatedly. No matter how many time he could tell it wasn't my fault, it was. I could've just not gone to bed so early, I could've said I love you before I went to sleep. I could've reminded him how much he mattered to me. I could've been a better best friend. I could've done so much more. But I didn't. I went to bed so I could wake up for class. It didn't cross my mind to text him. I wasn't the best person to be best friends with.

My phone went off. I picked it up, seeing a botted tweet. He had made it, he was so good at writing them and setting them up. Something in me wanted- no, begged for it to be a sign he was still here. That it wasn't the bot system, that he was just sitting there, secretly telling me he didn't mean to scare me and it was just a ploy to get out of something. I made up so many excuses for him, all of them that I would forgive in an instant.

He was always addicting to me, I couldn't just stop being friends, that would be throwing away the best parts of me. I would know, I tried it, it was the worst part. I just don't want to lose that part again.

Did I mention what he told me while he held my hand? That he was always proud of me, it was something that always brought me to tears. I tried hugging him, so damn hard, but I couldn't. He wouldn't let me. I wanted to feel his hugs, just how gentle, yet tight he might be able to hold me, as if we would be separated again if we let go, but didn't want to break each other.

My phone went off again. I looked at it again, sighing deeply. None of that had happened. I was over thinking, yet again. It felt so real, the pain was there. I got scared and didn't respond. I didn't want the whatever fantasy nightmare that was to become true. I acted as if I were still sleeping, watching the messages fill my inbox and notifications. They made me smile through the tears.

That brought so much relief. I began wondering what brought me to that point. Was it the fact that he never messaged me back last night? Was it the weirdly realistic voicemail I heard? Whatever it was, I was just happy to have my Lee.