Classic

42

Two days left. I am here strolling at the streets of Myeongdong. I was shopping pasalubong for my friends when some things started to sink in.
For the past days, it wasn't even a week but a lot has already happened. Definitely somewhere in my heart I know this isn't good. Confused? Yes I am. I freaking definitely am.

I— knew the answer but I hate to admit it myself because once I do it is over. I am over. I am totally over once I admit it myself.

Ilhoon isn't really helping at all. He makes it worst honestly. Things shouldn't be going this way if it wasn't with him. I have set things straight before coming back here. I knew all the risks and possibilities that awaits me but what surprised me the most is how things really turned the other way around. "I am well prepared" as I have thought but things shifting and going on differently as day passes by.

A notif distracted my thoughts.

Ilhoon: 안녕 (Hi)

Ilhoon: busy?

He invited me somewhere I am not sure where.

But this place is majestic. An overlooking view of the city. It is very mesmirizing. The city lights under the night sky.

—

"The moon is beautiful isn't it? I learned it way before when I was studying on our Japanese classes." I was trying to ease the mood. Well trying to relax myself. I've been mustering up all the courage I have.

She stares at me though I can't read her expression but something in her eyes that made me feel at ease in the midst of her silence. I take that chance as a sign to go on.

"I found this place years ago, the time I realized everything. Somehow I found comfort in this place while I was looking for you.

I happened to stay here whenever I feel stressed, sad, or happy the same way I always wanted to be with you.

This has become my go-to place where I can be myself away from everything. This place actually reminds me of you. Not just about how you love the night sky, the city lights, but the thing is I found comfort by the moonlight just like being with you. 

No matter how bright and flashy the city lights are, there is only one brightest among all that I always look up to."

"Ilhoon."

"I'm sorry. I messed it up. I'm sorry that I let you down. I'm sorry I—"

"Stop. Stop with your apologies. Once is enough." I cannot understand what she meant by that. She just lean her back at the front door of my car, facing the view. Then she asks me to stand beside her.

"How many apologies left in your essay that I cut off?" As she smiled at me.

"Let me address the two. Yes you did those things and we can't turn back the time. Things happened and things have changed. But now you should really be sorry for messing me up again."

I find no anger nor hatred the way her eyes speak but a hint of fear stuck somewhere in between those sparkly eyes.

"I have planned things ahead before meeting you but some after time, imagine, in just a few days being with you. You have managed to mess it all up."

Her words stabs me like a dagger that pierce through my heart.

"What do you want this time, Ilhoon?"

She is looking for an answer. Definitely a specific one.

'I want you back'.

Words that I wanted to say out loud but I am afraid.  Afraid that I might push her away again and lose her forever. I don't want that.

I can wait. I will wait.

"Things probably happened so fast and I understand. I know this isn't probably the right time to ask you.

I want to work for it. I want to be someone who's deserving of it. If you of course, will let me."

I have expected this but none of it has prepared me, my thoughts are scattered that I don't even know how to put them all together and all I know is that I am asking for too much.

"I understand. It is getting late. Let's go back?"

The whole ride is very quiet, unusual or am I just used to 'us' before.

She is just staring outside probably drown in her own thoughts.

That it suddenly hits me. Did I disappoint her again? Was it too much? But I meant all the things I have just said. I want to work for it. I want to earn it. I want to be deserving again of her love. I can't just ask her to come back and trust me again.

I've looked for her all this time and I don't wanna waste this opportunity just because I am being careless and selfish.

We were probably drown in our own thoughts the whole ride.

"Thanks for today and by the way I will be coming home in two days. And uhm— Take care."

She will leave.
Is that the answer?

Her words keep me awake the whole night.

Two days? Two days.
Is it too much to ask or too selfish, if I ask her to spend those remaining days with me?
If I can be with her and be mine again in those days?

Even if it is just a day or two.
I am willing to take whatever she can give.
No matter how I think of it, I am beyond grateful on how things turned out the past few days.
But is it too selfish to asks for more?
Even though I don't even know if I deserve it.

My mind has been wondering in the corners of my room when I realized I am already calling Minhyuk hyung.

"Hyung."
"Oh Ilhoon-a why are you still awake?"
"Did I bother you?"
"No. I am still at the company. Why?"
"Hyung. This is about Areum."
"Oh? Why?"
"You told me not to fuck this chance up."
"Hmm."
"Hyung."
"Are you going to me if you deserve a chance?"
"I don't know. Do I even deserve one?"
"The moment she let you in I know she is aware of the possibilities. As far as I know, she has everything planned out and you, somehow, is an exemption. Ilhoon, if you are asking me whether to shoot your chance, go for it.

You've lost her once. I don't think I need to remind you that. You've been there and I know you don't want to go back."

"Hyung. Minhyuk hyung. Thank you."
"Fighting! You still have few days left."
"Yes! Thank you hyung!"

Right! I've been there and I'm not planning to go back. I cannot turn back time to correct my mistakes but I will make things right for us this time.