Pinku Cat Cafe [South Park x Reader]

Underhanded Methods

"You guys are going to fuckin' regret talking shit about me," Cartman declares, his expression and tone incredibly bitter-looking. He kind of looks like he took a full bite out of a lemon. A lemon with the peel still on. You can't help but wonder, if he continues to have such a look on his face, will it stick?

You're currently sitting on the recliner, gently rocking back and forth as he and Stan pick their characters. You're curious to see who will win— everyone said that Cartman sucked, but wouldn't it be ironic if he actually did beat them at the game? You hum when you see King K. Rool and Marth next to one another on screen... it kind of fits them, you think.

You watch as the two characters begin to fight and bounce around the screen. You can't help but notice that Cartman sort of spams the attack where K. Rool grabs and buries his opponent before punching them with his boxing glove. You aren't the type to judge, though-- maybe it's just a good way to get a lot of damage in?

"Is that the only move that you know?" Stan taunts him with a smirk on his features. His thick eyebrows are furrowed slightly in concentration. You gaze at his expression for a few moments, finding it cute, before directing your eyes back to the screen. Marth is quick to get behind K. Rool, slashing at him in a combo. When the croc flies into the air, he jumps up and hits a sweet spot. Cartman's character flies out of the screen!

Cartman's grip on his controller tightens considerably. "Fuck!" He hisses as his character drops back onto the map. "You just got lucky, Stan! I just haven't played in a while." This causes his friend to roll his eyes before the characters keep fighting.

You peek over at Kenny and Kyle, too. Kyle is sitting with his knees on his chest, leaning forward a bit. His eyes are slightly wide, his mouth snapped shut. His green eyes follow each and every movement of the characters. Every once in a while, he runs his tongue over his lips in anticipation to see who will win.

Kenny is sitting criss-cross applesauce, his hands grabbing lightly at his ankles. He watches the fight carefully, turning his head every so often to keep track. You notice that his eyes light up a bit with every hit Stan gets, and how he mumbles muffled comments into the front part of his hoodie. Is he chewing on one of the strings? You're not sure.

You don't realize you're smiling at the sight until he looks right back at you. Your eyes widen and you quickly look away from him, embarrassed that you got caught. You hear him chuckle at how you reacted. How many times can you embarrass yourself today?!

Eventually, both of them only have one life left out of the three. You feel like you're going to pass out from the tension... this is really going to be a fight to the death, isn't it? But it seems that Stan has the advantage, as he has no damage on him at all while Cartman is already at 40 percent.

"Kick his ass, Stan!" Kyle exclaims. Everyone is on the edge of their seat as the characters resume beating the shit out of each other.

"You know, Stan," Cartman begins to speak with a sly grin on his face. "I was talking to Wendy the other day..."

Oh no. You can tell what he's trying to do. He's bringing a girl into the mix and he's going to take advantage of it so he can win! That's technically cheating, isn't it?!

"She and that North Park guy are really getting close... I think that he's going to take her on vacation and have sex with her afterward."

You watch as Stan's expression turns a little dark. You don't know who Wendy is, but you can only assume that she's his crush or an ex girlfriend... What kind of monster says all this just to win a battle of Smash?

"W... What?" Stan stammers, his voice conveying devastation more than anything else. His thumbs stop moving on his controller and he lets King K. Rool beat his character once and for all. Cartman begins to cheer at his victory, pumping his fists in the air, but no one else seems to be happy about his win.