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» notebook

i kept a notebook
two years ago
when i went to camp

it was a school one.
green for ela and i 
scribbled stars on their pages

they were trash and
i can't reread it without praying
i've gotten better

and when i couldn't find it at the end of the two weeks
i cried. 

i kept a notebook 
a year ago 
it'd been four months since the sickness set in
and i got bored

bright orange and tiny
and my brother thought it was a diary
when we had a baking competition
he searched through it to find my recipe
when i found him, 
i screamed

i keep notebooks
and they keep looking
no matter how many death threats i 
scribble on the front

i didn't give them permission to read it
though it was there for them to see
i want privacy
shut doors
and happiness

[ 3.10.21 ]