Where My Demons Hide

Chapter Fifteen - Ohm

I sat between Star and Ya and silently stared up at the sky. The three of us had never been this silent around each other before. Previously, it was as if we thought someone had to be talking for our friendship to survive. Almost as if our silence would break us down and we'd have to part.

This silence was different, and I wasn't sure what it all meant.

Even with that uncertainty, I knew something had changed in our friendship for the better. I'd always wanted to be close to someone else. Friendships hadn't been something I was good at. Though the three of us knew each other for some time, we hadn't been what they would consider best friends—not really. But lately, things between us, especially myself and Star, had changed for the better.

While I wasn't sure what Ya and Star were thinking about, I couldn't get P'Eagle out of my head. The thoughts were jumbled and instead of talking to my friends about him, I remained silent. I liked so many things about that man—his lips, his eyes, his smile, the sound of his voice—but he had a brain in his head. I would purposely be late for our outings, just so I could watch him read. There was a peace that came over him when he opened a book, and it gave me great pleasure in watching his zeal for the written word.

I'd never been a huge reader, but after we met, I began reading again.

Time passed.

"What's the deal with the girl?" Ya asked.

Star frowned deeply. "She's in love with P'Dragon."

"What?" Ohm asked. "Why is she here?"

"P'Dragon wants to kick her out," Star said. "But I convinced him not to."

"I agree with P'Dragon." Ya admitted.

"Me too." I told Star. "You should listen to P'Dragon. A woman who's rejected is capable of anything. And if you want to build things with P'Dragon, she's going to try everything in her power to thwart you. She's going to make things difficult for you. I can feel it. I mean, has P'Dragon not rejected her openly?"

"Yes." Star replied. "And P'Dragon isn't bisexual. He's gay. I'm not worried about any of that. I'm worried that she'll push him, and he'll retaliate."

We all went silent again but this time, it was only for a short while.

"Guys, I think I'm falling in love with him." Star admitted.

"You say that about most of the men you've dated." Ya told us around a yawn.

"This one is different." Star muttered.

"You've said that too." I teased.

"I'm serious this time." Star sputtered. "I want to..."

Star paused glanced around to ensure we were still alone. P'Nice had disappeared somewhere into the house and P'Dragon was sleeping.

I looked around as well then returned my gaze to his.

"I mean, other guys, I had to be a little drunk." Star leaned forward to admit. "But with him—I don't have to be. I actually want to do it with him."

"Have you tried?" Ya wanted to know,

Star nodded. "He's not ready. And the old me would have thrown a tantrum. But all I want is for him to be happy. He's happy to wait and even though I really want to have him..."

"You're doing this for him." I asked.

"Yes." Star replied. "I'm trying to be better because I know he likes a certain kind of man. He likes the kind who works for his life, who is kind and I'm not kind. But I can't help wanting to deserve him and wanting to be around him."