Where My Demons Hide

Chapter Twenty-Four - Ohm

Bracing my arms to Eagle's shoulder, I eased him backward onto his bed. He stared up at me, his strong jawlines and beautiful eyes causing me to lose myself. I kissed him, feeling sparks each moment our tongues touched, feeling as though I was slowly melting into him.

Eagle finally touched me, his large hands running up my back from bottom until he hooked his fingers over my shoulders. He moaned and I lifted my head.

But the pause wasn't a long one.

He kissed me again, this time, rolling us over to brace himself above me. When I smiled at him, Eagle lowered his mouth to my chin then down to my neck. It was as if he was pouring heat all over my body. I writhed up against him, enjoying the weight of him on me, the butterfly kisses against my shoulders and the way he whispered my name.

Then his hand traveled down to between my legs. He cupped me in his hand and squeezed. With a loud gasped, I shoved him off me and rushed for the door.

"Ohm!" Eagle called. "Ohm, wait."

But I didn't stop. 

If anything, I ran faster, scrambled into my car and sped out of the yard. If anything, I shoved my foot to the floor on the gas, as tears clouded my eyes. It took some time, but my adrenaline was slowly wearing off and I could breathe again.

The realization of what I'd done hit me like being punched in the chest. I called him.

"It's not you." I blurted out.

"Don't." He stopped me.

"I'm sorry." I tried again.

"I can't." Eagle's voice cracked. "Just--"

"Please don't give up on me." I pleaded.

"It feels like you've given up on me." Eagle told me. "You could have spoken to me—told me to stop. I feel like I've done something wrong, as if I'd forced you."

"Please don't think that."

"I have to go."

"P..."

Eagle hung up and my heart shattered into a million little pieces. The pain was so much the phone slipped from my fingers.

Somehow, I made it home, remembered to pick up the fallen phone and used the rail to help me into the house. Inside the door, I locked it behind me and pressed my back to it. My kneels gave out under me and I slumped to the floor and called Star.

His voice was sleepy on the other end.

"I'm sorry it's so late." I told him.

"Ohm?" Star asked. "What's the matter. P, go back to sleep. It's Ohm."

"Is he okay?" Dragon asked.

"I don't know. Ohm?"

It was hard for me to answer. The jealous part of me wanted to hang up. I was happy Star had P'Dragon but sad that I couldn't seem to calm down enough to show Eagle just how much I wanted him. Still, I went through what had happened then covered m fac with one hand, fighting back the tears that burned my eyes.

"You shouldn't rush into his bed." Star told me. "That's something you do only if you're ready."

"I thought he'd leave if I didn't."

"Then he wouldn't have been the one." Star explained. "Pushing him away probably makes him feel as if he did something wrong. Almost like you're punishing him."

"I want him." I admitted. "But he was making me feel things and they scared. He scared me."

"And I understand that." Star told me. "I had the same feelings with P'Dragon. I still get them. But just because it scares you, doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. You're smart—you're usually very good at reading people. So, I'm going to think you see something in P'Eagle that makes your soul happy."