Where My Demons Hide

Chapter Four - Dragon

The days rushed slowly by. Though I disliked Star with a passion, I continued doing my job. I went on all the errands and the like but had nothing to say to him. When he ventured out on dates or with Ya, I sat at a different table being more of a shadow than with the group.

Ohm hadn't been around either. I figured it had something to do when the kitchen situation. I didn't ask why.

It told me a lot about Star. It told me friendship meant nothing to him. He wanted people around him but wasn't man or human enough to have those connections mean anything. Star was the sort of person who believed respect could be bought and I had no respect for people like that.

After the accusation of theft, I bought what I needed for myself. I even bought a small fridge and placed it in my room for anything I needed to store. Then at nights after Star went to bed, I'd take my laptop and sat in the living room, trying to finish the novel I'd promised Win I'd write.

Exhaling, I thought of the night I'd promised him I'd finished it--try going for my dream of becoming a published author. We'd been dating for a year and it was about a month and a half before I'd promised to him. We'd just finished making love and I was cuddled into his chest, him brushing his lips against my forehead.

"I want you to finish that book." Win's voice was soft, breathy.

I groaned, kissed his chest and looked up into his face. "What if I don't know how? I haven't had much motivation lately."

"It's your dream, right?"

"You're my dream." I replied.

"Don't try to sweet talk me." Win laughed. "You know what I mean."

I sat up and exhaled loudly. When I said nothing, Win did the same to face me and take my hands. He lifted them to his lips and kissed the back.

"I want you to be happy." Win explained. "Having this dream happen would make you very happy. Promise me."

Closing my eyes, I licked my lips and inched forward for a kiss. Win framed my face with is palms.

"Promise me you'll finish it." He pushed.

"I promise." My voice cracked.

Shaking my head, I stared at the computer screen and began tapping away. I was on a roll when movement in the hall caught my attention. I looked up to see Star had entered the space. Immediately, my mood changed, and I closed the laptop.

"You don't have to leave." He told me.

"Talking to you has never been the best part of my day." I told him while gathering my things.

"What?" He asked.

"And don't worry. I've purchased my own food." I told him, shoving the computer into it's carrying case and heading for the door.

"P, I—"

"Good night." I interrupted and left.

I didn't have a good night's sleep. The nightmares took hold of my mind and left me shaking and covered in sweat. Each one I had felt more real than the other. It was becoming increasingly difficult to wake myself from them of late and that worried me.

The next day was Wednesday and I left early in the morning before the sun was even up. I stopped at a market at the side of the road to purchase some flowers then rode to Win's grave. I replaced the flowers then sat in the grass in front of it, staring at the engravings.

"What am I supposed to do without you?" I asked him. "Didn't I tell you I couldn't live without you? Why do you really have to test that?"

I sighed, shifted to lay on my back and stared up at the sky as it became lighter and lighter. "You were always my guiding star." I told the air around me, hoping he would hear me. "Lighting my way. Right now, it's so dark, P'Win. I'm lost—how do I find my way without you?"