Mafia Boy Has A Crush On Me

Chapter 28

Jimin pov

I took her by the chin and turned her to face me. There was confusion and desire in her eyes as she looked at me trying to figure out what and why this was happening. "Jimin" her lips quivered as she moaned my name. The things I wanted to do to her weighed heavy on my mind and her moaning like that wasn't helping. I bit my lip as I looked at hers. Sighing I let her go, I sat back in my seat and gazed at the quiet city in front of us.

'Why did I do that?' I cursed myself. I was being selfish, it wouldn't be right for me to put her in that position when she hates every moment around me. 

 "What was that for? Are you still trying to mess with my head Jimin? I thought we grew past that stage already" she sat back in her seat and crossed her arm. I started the engine and backed out before doing a u-turn. I sat silently trying to figure out a way to explain myself without making the matter worse. 

"I wish I could say that was the case since it's easier to face than the truth" I maneuvered around the rocks and bushes on the path down the hill. 

"What is the truth? Jimin, just be honest with yourself. We wouldn't be here if you just been real about everything" huffing she looked at the window. "You don't want anything to do with me and I have come to terms with that already and respect your decision. Your forgiveness and trust are not what I deserve so I would rather put my feelings aside so that I can do right by you and respect what you want". 

We got to the bottom of the mountain and went through the gates. " That isn't your truth" she hissed. "I did tell you the truth"  "You didn't", " I did" I was getting agitated and so was she.  "You did not" we went back and forth until one of us broke. "Fuck!! What do you want me to say Yn?!!! That I was wrong? That I don't know how to have emotions or love? That I can't even sleep or be near you knowing that I hurt you so much. What do you want me to say that you're just not seeing?" My voice became hoarse and my eyes started to burn as all the pesky feeling since I met her started to pick at my brain. She just sat silently and said nothing as she watched me struggle to keep myself together.

"It was that" she whispered as one of my tears had escaped me. I tried to brush it away but she took my hand away from my face. "Stop Jimin,  this is what I wanted from you. I wanted you to show genuine emotions instead of that tough-guy facade you always walk around with. What is so wrong with being vulnerable? Is it really that hard for you to allow someone to truly care about you? You suppressed those feelings for so long to the point it doesn't even seem normal that you're cable of crying or having any other sensitivity when it comes to how you feel about yourself or others. This is normal Jimin. You don't always have to guard your heart and your emotions as if someone is going to ruin it..”

I felt myself crumbling again as an image of my mother played in my head. That was my last tear, nothing could have ever hurt me more than that I thought.

"I can't see any way around this engagement, our parents want it more than anything and they aren't going to stop pushing for it" she started.  "I will find a way around but if we exhausted all our options we can do the marriage but secretly live our separate lives". I stopped at the red light and tapped my finger on the steering wheel as I waited for the light to change. 

"You're still trying to push me away Jimin. Is there no way of living on the same footing?" She wrapped her arms around herself. "It's time for you to be honest with me. What were your intentions before all of this and now? I don't know what to do when you keep giving me mixed signals. Do you even know what you really want from me?" I questioned. 

 She froze, her hands fell to her lap and clasped together. "I really don't know anymore. At first, I just wanted to be kind to you, I didn't need a reason to be kind to a person that I believe deserves it.  But then you started to confuse me,  I didn't know what to do or how to react to you because one day everything is ok and then the next you hate me for absolutely no reason. I was dedicated to leaving and finding a better place somewhere else but even running away I'm not good at. I can't take so much betrayal from everyone that I care about but now, im unsure what to do and how to feel. Everyone keeps whispering in my ears telling me how to react and how to feel it's hard for me to even formulate my own opinion" she started.