hoping that this rain will wash away my sorrows and help me grow again |lil peep

four- this is wrong gus

delilah

i arrived at nate's apartment, it was early evening and we really didn't have any plans. i knocked on nate's door, dylan coming to the door to let me. "sup d?" he asked. "not sure what we're doing yet" i told him. nate stood up from his spot on the couch to come greet me. "hey baby" he said, picking me up. "ew, get a room" gus said from the couch. nate put me down. "shut up" he rolled his eyes at gus.

due to the lack of plans everyone unspokenly decided that we'd all just get fucked up. i lit a joint, taking a few drags off of it and passing it back to nate. we smoked it down to the roach and i tossed it in the ash tray. nate lit another, offering it to me "no, i'm good" i refused, already stoned. hanging out with nate and his friends had me smoking more often, i'd built up my tolerance decently.

i was on the couched, in between gus and nate. i started to get quite tired and heavy feeling, letting my head sink onto nate's lap. i swung my legs up on the couch so i was laying down, resting them on gus' knees. "sorry man" nate said to gus, for me using him as a personal foot rest. gus just shrugged, not touching me.

nate shook my shoulder "baby, we gotta get you woken up. nights barely started let's have some fun" nate told me. "yeah" i agreed, pulling myself up to sit normally. gus grabbed a cup and the bottle of vodka off the table, pouring a few shots in and topping it off with white monster energy. "that'll do the trick" he said, passing me the cup.

"thanks" i said, taking the cup. i took a sip and my whole face scrunched "oh christ" i said, shit was strong. i forced the rest of the cup down, the caffeine giving me the boost i needed but also blocking off my body's ability to tell how crossed i was otherwise. i felt my consciousness and common sense slipping from me, losing any filter my mouth had left. gus poured me another of the same drink, i sipped at it while i sat and talked and laughed with everyone.

i turned and grabbed nate's face, "you look really fucking good" i told him. "thanks babe" nate said, trying to control whatever the hell i could say next. "i don't think you need anymore of this" nate said, taking the cup out of my hand and placing it on the table. "aw" i said, reaching for it back. nate and gus both reached to pull my hand away at the same time.

"i want food" dylan said, also drunk as shit. "same" jerick, ben and nate all spoke up. we were all drunk, high or both and not thinking quite straight. "fuck let's go" ben said "you okay for a few minutes?" nate asked, i didn't speak up for wanting to eat. i wasn't hungry. "yeah that's fine" i told nate. gus, tracy, adam and i would stay behind. "back in a flash" nate said, kissing my cheek. "bye babyyyy" i slurred.

the stampede of drunk and hungry boys headed for the door, lord help the poor person at whatever restaurant they ended up at. adam was extremely stoned, basically passed out on the couch. tracy was rambling to gus about something but tracy also had headphones in, off in his own little world.

"i don't feel so good" i said, getting up to go to the bathroom. i didn't feel like throwing up sick, i just felt really hot and lightheaded and really unwell for a minute. i stumbled to the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror for a second. i splashed some cold water on my face and drank some straight from the tap. i felt slightly better, absolutely hammered still but less disgusting feeling. "i'm gonna go check on her" i heard gus say from the other room.

he knocked on the door once, i opened it. "hey, you good?" gus asked, leaning against the door frame. "yeah, my head just felt weird for a minute" i told him. i took my hand of the counter i was using to balance, i stumbled forward into gus' chest. he caught me, sliding his hands down to my waist. i looked up at gus with wide eyes, but not stopping him. he looked at me, subtly biting the corner of his lip.

mindlessly, i moved my hand and placed it on shoulder accidentally pulling him closer to me. gus quickly decided to close the space between us, crashing our lips together. i kissed him back. both of my hands slowly clasped behind his neck. he reached down to the back of my thighs, picking me up and placing me on the counter. he stood between my legs while we drunkenly made out. gus moved from my lips, kissing down my neck. "this is wrong gus" i said, the last single brain cell i had with any common sense spoke up. gus stood over me, tipping my chin up so i was looking at him. "i know that you want me, you know that i want you to" he told me. "mhm" i barely spoke, just making a noise. i kissed gus again, initiating it this time.

his hands roamed my body aimlessly, i tangled my fingers in the back of his hair. i dropped one hand, tugging on the hem of his shirt. he quickly pulled it off from over his head, i ran my fingers over the tattoos on his chest. gus returned the same to me, removing cropped tank top i had on. "you're so fucking hot" he mumbled in my ear. gus went for the button on my jeans, "wait" i said, my morals suddenly flooding back to me. "what?" gus asked, pulling his hand away. "i can't do this to nate" i said, realizing what had happened and was about to happen. "break up with him" gus said bluntly, "i need you to be mine now" he almost growled in my ear. "okay" i agreed, i knew gus was who i actually wanted. i'd been drawn to him like a magnet since the first time we met.

we put our shirts back on, walking back into the living room like nothing had ever happened. "sorry, puke fest in there" i tried to cover out asses. adam was asleep and tracy just nodded, not giving two shits about where we were. there was an obvious mutual struggle between gus and i, trying to keep our hands off each other. i knew what had to come next, and i felt terrible. nate didn't deserve this but we just weren't meant for each other like this, i hoped we could still be friends as he is still dear to my heart, just not in the type of relationship i thought.

a/n
🐸☕️ minding my business as if i didn't come up with that and write it myself

chapter question: how tall are u? i'm 5'6