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liked by delilxh, liltracy and 203 others gusahr tellin me u love me while we fuckin in the backseat comments delilxh disclaimer this is an uber and he just wanted a pic of his new hair liltracy mhm^ liltracy is that the L word i see delilxh i had no part in his caption choosing 🤚🏻 gusahr delilah let me look cool on social media okay @delilxh delilxh u know what isn't cool? the single use plastic in ur hand😪 @gusahr gusahr @delilxh ur lame kournikovax she's right @gusahr ben_ff @delilxh we know what happened omgimwigs gussssyyy are u in loveeee
i rolled my eyes at my friend's comments, i wasn't in love with delilah. sure i liked her a lot, like a lot a lot and she made me really happy and she made me look forward to waking up everyday but i wasn't in love. i'd never fall in love, i mean who could love me. it's only been a month and i've already made her cheat on and break up with her boyfriend, well ex boyfriend, run from cops and let her try all my drugs. why would she ever wanna fall in love with a guy like me?
i didn't want her to leave me though, i enjoyed having her as my girlfriend. i enjoy our time together, a lot actually. i hoped she wasn't falling in love, i don't know what i would do then. the closer i got to delilah the more i felt like i needed to push her away, my feelings scared me and it was something i had never felt or knew how to handle.
i refused to believe it was love. delilah and i are not in love, we're just together. i honestly didn't think it would turn out like this, i thought i was just going to end up fucking my friends girl and moving on but for some reason i told her to leave him, and for some reason she did. delilah was easy to be around and fun to talk to, it almost felt like we were the same person at times. i'd never gotten a stomachache from laughing so hard until i'd met her, plus my friends like her too. everyone keeps telling me we're perfect together, even nate.
the way delilah and i felt about each other scared me, i'll admit that. everyday was a battle of not falling too much harder, but i also didn't want her to hate me. i had a strange relationship with my feelings for her. as much as i was scared and uncomfortable with them i also needed her to make me feel okay, she was my comfort. "gus, are you okay?" she asked me, running her hand through my hair while we sat on the couch. "yeah" i told her, letting the weight of my head sinker heavier onto her shoulder. "you've just been acting kind of odd" she told me. i know i have. "i just haven't been feeling very well" i lied.
"oh no, what do you need? do you want to sleep? i can make you something to eat? i can go get you medicine from the drug store?" delilah offered me. i absolutely didn't deserve this girl, here she was trying to do everything for me and i couldn't even own up to my own feelings about her. i couldn't be in love, it wasn't me.
delilah placed her hand on my forehead, cheeks and the back of my neck. "you don't feel warm, i don't think you're fevered" she decided. of course not d, i'm not actually sick. i couldn't tell her that though, i don't know how i'd ever react if she said i love you first. i just had to play sick to cover up my odd behaviour until i figured out what to do. "i don't know babe, i just feel like shit though" i told her. sprawling out on the couch to start my act.
"do you want some tylenol or something? advil?" she offfered. "no thanks hun, just might need a nap" i told her. "of course" she said, grabbing the blanket from the end of the couch and carefully laying it over me. i laid across her legs, just letting myself be happy with her in the moment. i was 'asleep', i didn't need to worry right now.
i was very close to actually accidentally falling asleep when delilah started gently whispering to me. "poor babes, i hope you feel better soon", she gently started to rub my back. "you're special to me gus, i've never met anyone quite like you. that's a good thing. i feel like i've know you for a hundred years and there's no tension when we hang out, you're something special i gotta hold onto you, no matter what storm we get put through. i can tell right away you're not always gonna be an easy one but that's okay, neither am i. i really hope you can't actually hear me right now" she said.
i'd never let her know i heard every word, i could feel my positive and loving feelings for delilah wanting to burst out of me but i was too scared and felt so incapable. i didn't know how to love, or be a proper boyfriend. my own defence shot back in me, which is what's making me seem like a distant asshole to her. i knew i was slowly going to push her away with how i acted, i wasn't even trying but that's just what happens but i didn't want her to leave me, she couldn't. i need her.
i enjoyed laying quietly in the comfort of her lap, breathing all my worries out with each breath as i fell asleep. i guess i actually did need to sleep. you don't love her, you can't love, you don't even know what love is, i reminded myself. i had a feeling i would find it difficult to remember that.
a/n last chapter of the day gn guys
also to the like 3 ppl that vote on every chapter, i see u, i appreciate u. pls vote and comment if u like it so far <3
chapter question: how'd u guys come across this book?
