hoping that this rain will wash away my sorrows and help me grow again |lil peep

five- i need to talk to you

delilah

i picked up my phone, my heart sinking as i clicked nate's number. it rung a few times, i anxiously awaited his answer. "hey!" nate greeted me cheerily, "hi" i hesitated, "are you busy? i need to talk to you " i said", trying to hide the sadness in my voice.

"is everything good? are you okay?" nate asked, automatically sensing something was off. "are you home?" i asked again. "yeah" he said. "i'm on my way" i told him. i hung up the phone before he could say anything else.

i drove to nate's. i'm surprised i didn't crash since i was basically off in another world the whole time.  i took the familiar walk to nate's door, taking in the surroundings. it could be my last time here, depending on how this goes. i really hoped we could still be friends.

i let myself into the front door. "hey" i said to nate who was waiting nearby. "hey, what's wrong d? you're acting weird" he said. "let's sit down" i said, taking us over to the couch. "what's up?" he asked again, trying to find some form of an answer. "nate, i don't even know how to say this. it's not you, it's me" i started. nate sighed deeply, "i'm afraid this is where it was going" he said. "nate i think you're great, you're a great person and i really hope we can still be friends it's just that i feel like you're more of my best friend than my boyfriend, the spark just isn't there. please don't take this too harsh, like i said you're absolutely incredible and i think you're gonna make someone so happy one day, i just don't think i'm the right person" i finished my pathetic speech, this was so hard to do.

"it's okay d, i had a feeling this is what is happening. i do agree with you though, you're my best friend but i struggle to see us as more than that some days" nate said. i finally exhaled, relieved by his reaction. "i'm sorry nate" i apologized, i felt really bad. "it's okay delilah, you're still like my best friend" he told me. that made me feel better. "i'm gonna head home" i told him, it was too awkward to stay right now.

nate walked me to the door, stopping me before i could walk away. "it's gus isn't it?" nate asked. "what?" i asked cluelessly. "d, don't play dumb. everyone can tell you guys like each other. it's so obvious, the attraction between you guys is ridiculous" nate said. oh, i didn't realize everyone could tell, i thought i hid it well. "sorry nate" i said, dodging his comments.

that was easier than i thought, it was a little upsetting but it was better than us both leading each other on. nate was a good guy, i'm happy for the time i had with him and that he could still be my friend. not every relationship is built to last.

gus
ayo shawdy

delilah
hi

gus
i hear ur single?

delilah
yeah
that got out fast
damn

gus
wigs texted me lol
he told me to go ahead with ya hahahahaha

delilah
oh that's odd

gus
he not mad
everyone know we vibin

delilah
oh okay
i feel bad still
i'm a bad person

gus
no ur not
not everyone gonna work out
no ones mad
u good u good

delilah
i know, just a little sad

gus
come over
?

delilah
don't u think that's a little fast

gus
i asked u to come over not if u wanted to get married and have 2 kids and a dog
but u were ready to let me blow ur back out yesterday

delilah
address?

gus
72 warren st
tracy and dylan live w me but they not home
fyi

delilah
oh okay
will u be home in an hour?

gus
i'll be here if ur coming

delilah
see u then

i was worried but also excited to see gus, but like he said all we were doing was hanging out. it's not like i was marrying my ex's friend the same day we broke up. i didn't dress up, i didn't want to seem like i was trying too hard. i punched gus' address into my car's gps and left before i could change my mind.

i pulled into the driveway. it was small and the cement was cracked, weeds growing through the gaps. it was a small house, it looked like it had just enough room for the three of them. just from the outside you could tell three guys lived there.

i rang the doorbell, glancing around the entry way. gus came to the door. "you fixed your hair" i noticed. his faded, mostly grown out pink hair now fully bright pink. "yeah, you like it?" he asked me. "yeah, it suits you" i told him. "how you doing?" gus asked me. "um, i'm okay. meh" i answered honestly. "why just okay?" gus asked me. "i just feel weird and guilty. i'm pretty sure nate is gonna hate both of us now" i said.

"d, you gotta chill. it's literally fine. nate said you're literally still one of his best friends. you can be friends, doesn't mean dating had to work out. he basically texted me that you're free real estate now so i highly doubt he hates either of us" gus explained to me.

gus was very reassuring, i needed that right now. i found myself continuously getting lost looking at gus, he could be a lot to take in with the neon hair and tattoos and bold personality but i liked it. he wasn't like anyone i'd ever met before. i wanted to be with gus, but it felt so wrong to want him after literally just leaving nate.

in retrospect i probably did mainly leave nate for gus, so i don't know what i was holding back for. "relax, what're you so tense for?" gus asked, lightly rubbing my shoulder. "i don't know" i said, gus was right. i forced myself over my nerves, turning my head to kiss him. gus broke the kiss, "if you wanna be with me, i'm here baby" gus told me. "i do" i said, "then is that a yes?" gus asked, "yeah" i said. "we don't have to tell nate, or anyone yet. okay?" gus told me, taking my hand. "yeah, that's good" i said. gus was handling this well with me. "i'm sure they're probably guess pretty quickly though" gus pointed out. i shrugged, "yeah you're probably right" i agreed.

gus and i caught sight of ourselves in his mirror as we walked to his room. he stopped to look at us, "we look good together" gus commented. we did, everything about gus and i fit well together.

a/n

hehe here we go i'm trying to get at least 2 chapters up a day and i also have a lot of peep books in my drafts too so there's always gonna be more
if u can't tell a fun fact about me is that i have never been relaxed ever

chapter question: what's ur fav peep song? mine are nose ring and worlds away but it also just kinda changes with my mood