Hxh head cannons!

Extremely Angsty Headcanons (major TW)

A/N: okay, not gonna lie- I did not hold back on these at all. Even thinking of these made me extremely sad. So please, big trigger warning for these and read at your own discretion! (TW: self-harm, intrusive thoughts, abuse, trauma) And I wrote these at 4:30am during a mental breakdown so just ignore my spelling and grammar mistakes

• Kurapika's sleep deprivation and working himself to the point of complete and utter exhaustion is a form of a self harm (this isn't really a headcanon but more of a fact, deprivation and overworking is a proven form of self harm)

• Killua still loves his parents and brothers in a fucked up way. He hates himself for loving them, even just the little bit he does, and wishes he didn't but he can't help it

• Gon has really traumatizing intrusive thoughts. They most center around self-harm and they really scare him

• Similarly, Killua has really disturbing intrusive thoughts but they mostly center around killing his loved ones. He feels extremely guilty and tries to push them away, tries to tell himself he doesn't want that and won't do it. But he's petrified Illumi was right and he'll end up killing everyone he loves

• Leorio often feels his trauma and any negative feelings that he has are invalid, especially compared to the other three's trauma and what they go through

• It was Kurapika's fault his clan was killed and he knows this which is why he fights so hard for vengeance. I know it's blunt but let me explain. Kurapika was warned by the elders that if his eyes turned scarlet in town, he had to tell them so they could prepare and be safe. But, since Pairo switched out the vials and Kurapika never told the elders, no one knew. People from town saw Kurapika's eyes, word got around, people hunted them down, and they died. If Kurapika had just come clean, his clan might have been able to fight back or flee and survive

• Killua tried self harming once, but it reminded him too much of his family's torture tactics so he never did it again

• Gon goes so far out of his way to help people because he feels like that's his only use. That his only reason to be alive is to help and be of use to others. He feels that as soon as he fails to help people, his life is void of all meaning and he should just end it right then and there

• Since Pairo is blind and seemingly has eye damage, his eyes can't turn red like the rest of the Kurta clan. He, along with his other clan members, told the troupe this but they didn't believe him and killed him anways but just threw his eyes away. They killed him for no reason

• (I got this from a tik tok but don't remember which)- While Killua was carrying Gon on his back after he used all his nen, Gon's heart stopped multiple times and Killua had to restart it with his electrical nen

• Gon purposefully puts himself in harms way and is reckless as a form of self-harm (also more of a fact than a headcanon which makes it even sadder in my opinion)

• Killua always wonders what he did to not deserve a happy family like everyone else

• Whenever Alluka wakes up and Killua isn't there, she starts panicking and freaking out and thinking he left her again but this time for good