Emotional Torture.

Self destructive.

I did what I was told by the ghost in the mirror, she told me to keep a distance, she said it'd make me happier than I've ever been but all I've felt since is a dangerous form of panic, sending sirens off in my head. I am bursting at the seams and no one is there to stitch me back together.Hell raises in my chest, burns away my humanity and leaves my lungs to choke on the ashes of what is left of me.

I cannot lean on any one, I've always known, but it is the ghost circling my room who whispers to me that I can only blame myself for this lonely fate. The flames inside me are raising by the second yet my hands are shaking and blue, I can see my veins prominent, drawing maps to remind me that I am still human. The blood coursing through me attempts to reconnect my mind to my body. It is too late as the ghost possesses me once again. 

She toys with me as if I am a puppet, and sings me the most harsh lullabies. I am forced to accept whatever her manipulative tongue darts at me, her gentle touch is piercing and her piercing eyes are gentle. My nails scratch my skin harshly, as if I want to peel it off. I can hear her vicious laugh echo off the walls of my heart as she once again sets off another siren, she reminds me that I am no longer in control. It is her that gets to choose the next move.

I am tired of being a pawn in a twisted game of chess, yet everyday I come home and throw myself into this spiral again. She waits for me, in the mirror. Knowing I'll crawl back to her selfish ways. She looks so much like me, yet I don't recognize who she might be.

She is far darker...Far more terrible than I could ever be. A manifestation of my worst traits, insecurities, fears, terrors and much more.

She is a ticking bomb I try to contain daily.

She's...me.

 

//

"Somebody should've had your back"