My Idol, My Muse | Jendragon

three teen

13

~Ji yong~

I cross the parking lot without looking back, his face is etched in my mind, it's the only thing I can think about. Everything keeps spinning around me, I manage to find my manager --- Mr. Kim go to the car and take the girl to her house --- he looks at me and replies --- But what about you? My obligation is to take you--- I lose my patience for a moment --- Do what I tell you !! ---

I manage to take a taxi, I get home, I feel such great remorse that it disgusts me, I run to the bathroom and kneel down to vomit, I expel all the alcohol and even more. When I'm done I sit there, unable to get up, I crawl into the shower and let the cold water fall on me and mix with the tears that come from my eyes.

After a while under the water I finally get out, I look in the mirror, I'm a mess. My bloodshot, puffy eyes, the makeup I was wearing has smudged. This is the face of someone who has made a mistake and doesn't know how to live with it. Looking at my reflection, I swear that something like this will never happen again, I won't see her again, I can't allow myself to hurt her again. Only if time manages to forgive me will I look for her again. I send her one last text message and delete her contact.

~Jennie kim~

Mr. Kim takes me, I don't say a word the whole trip and he respects my silence. I finally get home, go inside and lock myself in my room. Sitting on my bed with my arms around my knees, my heart is still racing. I can't quite understand what just happened. Everything was going very well, oppa and I shared a stage, and then… we kissed, it was great, but at one point it was not him, it was not the Ji Yong that I know. I had to stop him, if I didn't, I don't know how far he would have gone, I love him, he's my first love, but I'm not ready to go that far, it was his car and he wasn't himself. I just hope this doesn't mean losing him.

Before I go to sleep my cell phone rings, it is a message from him "Jennie, I am very sorry, something like this will not happen again I promise you, trust me one last time" Reading those words I understand that it is the way to tell me he won't see me again, I can't stop the tears start to come out.