My Idol, My Muse | Jendragon

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19

~Ji yong~

I turn on the cell phone to see the time, it's 4:30 in the morning, Jen is lying next to me, a few minutes ago she fell asleep even without dressing, I reached for the jacket and covered her with it. Looking at her here next to me I begin to imagine what it would be like to have her by my side every day, if I did not have to leave, if she could take my hand without fear in front of the world, if we were just two ordinary people without the eyes of others pending each step we take, if I could tell everyone "Hey, this girl here is my girlfriend." It is a slightly crazy fantasy that has no place in our reality, I carefully reach the notebook in the glove compartment and write:

"How can you be so cute? Would you believe me if I told you that I feel more butterflies than the first time I saw you? Every day I worry about losing you, if you listen to this my feelings will reach you? I miss your name even when I say it, everyone in the world sees us and gets jealous. When I'm tired and sometimes I fall, girl you pick me up. Just like now you stay by my side every day, I don't want to wake up from this dream that is you... "My pencil stops when I see Jen wake up and I close the notebook.

---Oppa ...--- she tells me with her eyes half open ---What are you doing? What is that you are writing?---
---Nothing ...--- I kiss her and caress her face ---It's time for us to get ready, I let you sleep for a moment but we must go if we want to get there before the sun comes out---

~Jennie kim~
Leave? ... for a moment I forgot that this would not last long, I regret having fallen asleep. I still have not left him and I already feel that I am missing him, a sadness begins to unleash in me. We set off, on the other side of the window the coast is moving away while my gaze is lost on the horizon and no one says a word.

The silence continues, I don't know what I'm supposed to say now, I've already lost control of the situation, I didn't plan the next thing to this. Finally Ji Yong breaks the silence and begins to speak.

--- As I said before, from now on it will be difficult to see me, I will be away for a long time, you will also be immersed in your career, I know that great things are coming for you, I knew them from the first time I saw you in the practice room. Each one will take a different path that can lead us away. When I return I will be in a position to take this up again, and you will be free to have a private life without pressure. I can't promise you anything Jen... I can only speak according to how I feel right now, and what I feel is that I love you. I'm not going to ask you to wait for me unconditionally, go on with your life ... If when we meet again, free from what prevents us from being together now, I still feel the same and you reciprocate, then you can trust me, there will be nothing that comes between us ---

Ji Yong's words fill the space and silence between us, it is not what I expected him to say but it is the most realistic, my romantic ideals did not find a solution to the problem because it has no good solution. We will both move on, who knows where life may take us, I just hope it takes us back here ...

•Author's note: what GD wrote in his notebook is the song of BIGBANG called "Girlfriend"•