My Idol, My Muse | Jendragon

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~Ji yong~

--- Oppa !! Do you want that I get you a juice? Beer? Soju? --- Jen asks me while I refuse everything and just stay focused on my cigarette looking at the horizon from the terrace of my apartment. ---Oppa… are you ok? I notice you are very thoughtful, I don't know, somewhat distant--- I throw the cigarette butt and after expelling the smoke I reply ---No Jen, nothing happens, everything is fine---

Jennie is right, I haven't felt good about myself for a few months. It all started when the preparations for BLACKPINK's album began to be imminent, it took me a while to realize what was bothering me, Jen looked so happy, in general everyone was very excited but for some reason I was lost in my thoughts , until I realized that I missed that, I miss the feeling of creating new things with the members and what bothered me is that I could not do anything to change, I cannot go back in time,but I cannot move forward, I find myself stopped in the same point, I think about it a lot but I can't find a solution ...

--- Oppa !!! Your phone is ringing !! --- Jen lets me know, she is in the living room watching tv. I leave my thoughts and go to see who is calling, when I look at the screen I see that it is YoungBae

---Hey !! Ji Yong-ah, what's up bro, call me sometime right? It turns out that now I only know about you through social networks ---
---Ahh YoungBae you know that the last time I called your wife answered and I was ashamed, I did not want to disturb your married life that must be very active--- I tell him between laughs and I feel that my friend also laughs on the other side of the line.
---By the way, Ji Yong I saw you at Jennie's live, aren't you taking too much risk? It is not the same that the people in the company know it to the public discovering it, be careful---
---Don't worry, nobody considered it strange, in the eyes of the people she is my donsaeng nothing more, in fact VIP was very happy to see me there, they focused more on that than on anything else---
---Yes but ... the thing about the hand on your beating heart was risky--- he tells me with a laugh ---Well I'm glad you're ok, before I forget HyoRin had an idea---
---Oh yeah which one?---
---What do you think if we all have a meeting, we have not had a meal together for a long time, we can invite companions what do you think?---
---I don't know ... knowing that we won't be all makes me feel bad---
---Hey bro, me too, but I really need to see at least you guys. It's decided, today I'll call Hyung and Daesung---
---Ok where will it be?--- I ask
---In your house!! Where else could it be? You didn't buy a millions dollars penthouse and not to invite your friends, right?---
---Okay, tomorrow afternoon, Jen will be free too, later send me the license plate of your car to warn that you are going to enter, and you tell the boys to do the same---
---Ok see you then, bye--- YoungBae hangs up and I sit next to Jen who is still watching TV. Jen turns off the television and turns to me, she is sitting with her legs gathered on my designer furniture without taking off her shoe, on her left leg she wears an ankle boot, I do not scold her because it makes me sad to see her again with her injury ankle.

---Oppa--- she tells me looking at me with her big eyes
---mmm--- she places her hand on my cheek and kisses me ---I see what you want, you should have said it when we arrived--- I tell her and she blushes, she always does , she is too cute. I hold her and make her straddle me and kiss her deeply, she kisses me back until we both feel someone dial the access door code.

---Jen, I forgot to tell you that my mother came to fix the garden ... ---She gets out in a hurry and settles down again just in time when my mother walks through the door and comes to the living room, Jen's cheeks red and her unkempt hair are enough clues for Mom to get an idea that she just came at a bad time, and I find that scene too funny.

~Jennie~

Time after

---Cut !! Well take a break, we will continue in thirty minutes with the individual scenes--- Announces the director. We've been filming the music video for the comeback for days, everything is turning out so well, it's a pretty big investment that makes the girls and I feel pressured.

---Unnie, I'm going to eat something, my stomach won't stop making noise, are you coming?--- Rosé tells me. When I go with her to get something to eat, I see someone arrive who causes some commotion, that can only mean something, Ji Yong-oppa has come to the set to see us. I leave Rosé and go to oppa, I am very happy that he has decided to come, I go to him and hug him.
---Oppa !! How good that you have come !!---
---Of course I came Jen, I could not miss this, by the way that you are wearing suits you very well ...--- That last phrase he says in a low voice to my ear and makes my skin crawl.
---And wait to see the other costumes, there is one in particular that I know you will like---
---Which?? Show me now I demand--- he tells me between laughs and with a mischievous look

After a long day with almost no rest, we reached the end of the filming. The whole team comes together to celebrate the hard work and some time later the girls and I retire to our houses, it has been a while since we are not living together anymore, each one wanted to have our own space in which to invite our families and in my case I finally managed to live with my mother as I had never been able to do since I was little. But tonight I'm not going there because today I'm going to oppa's apartment.

Ji Yong-oppa is quiet next to me in the van while his manager drives to the condo. Some time ago I have noticed that he is not having a good time, I do everything I can to distract him but when he gets carried away by his thoughts it is almost impossible to get him out of there. Deep down I understand, and I am glad that despite that he is by my side supporting me in everything, but I would like if he opens up with me and tell me about his problems.

We arrived at the apartment, at this time of night oppa's mother has already left, she comes almost every day to see how her son is doing, cook for him and sometimes fix the terrace garden where she has made growing flowers. When I arrive I go straight to the room and fall exhausted on the bed, Ji Yong-oppa comes and sits next to me.

---Are you tired huh?--- he takes off my shoes and massages my legs
---Yes, I thought it would never finish ... thanks for going today you made everything better, I was very exhausted---
---Come--- he grabs my hand and makes me get up ---Let's take a long bath--- I follow him suspiciously, oppa loves bathing with me but I can't adapt to that and I always feel ashamed. He begins to put his hands under my shirt until he takes it off, while I get rid of my jeans, in a few minutes we are in the bathtub covered in hot water with foam.

---Jen, if you feel something strange, I'm sorry, I can't help it--- he whispers in my ear laughing as he caresses my breasts under the foam, I feel my cheeks burn.
---Oppa ... when are you going to tell me what happen to you, or at least talk to me about what I imagine disturbs you---
---Jen I already said I'm fine, now only you matter, you have enough things to do you shouldn't worry about me, it doesn't matter---
---Yes, it matters for me, I see you sometimes distant, if you only share that with me, you will surely feel better--- oppa does not answer, I turn towards him releasing his arms that hug me under the foam until I see him to the eyes.
---You miss him right?--- Oppa is surprised by my question ---You miss your past, your friend, BIGBANG, the fans ... I know that's what makes you so sad--- Ji Yong-oppa deflects look but I grab his face until I bring him back, when I look into his eyes again the wall that he had created collapses in front of me, and he hugs me tightly, sinking his head into my shoulder, I feel the strength of his arms that surround me, with my hand I caress his wet hair while he hides in my embrace ---it's Okay oppa, I'm here, you're not alone anymore---