My Idol, My Muse | Jendragon

fourteen

14

2014

~Jennie kim~

"Oppa are you okay?", "Can we talk?", "Oppa answer me please", "I forgot what happened, talk to me", "I miss you ..." The last messages I sent him a long time ago, none were delivered, that's how he left me… one last message, he deleted my number and Ji Yong disappeared from my life. I see G-Dragon from time to time in the corridors, all in a hurry and busy, not even if he wants to turn to see me, he became the star again.

--- Unnie !! Did you hear GD will re-record a song with one of the trainees, maybe it's you again !! --- I look at Lisa and stay silent, will he come back to look for me? Just like that time he will come to me and propose that I sing along with him, I cannot avoid a very great emotion invade me, I cannot be happier, oppa has returned, it took a long time but it's okay, I would wait for him as long as it takes.

I leave the room on my way to his study, I walk faster and faster, I don't care, I'll be the first to speak to him. I arrive, when I am about to knock on the door I feel that someone is touching my shoulder, it is Sandara --- Jennie ... you are here, what a surprise ... --- She, as always, I feel her hatred towards me, but that does not go ruin my happiness --- I guess you already know, GD will be recording with an apprentice --- she tells me, I notice a certain poison in her voice --- Yes, I already know --- I answer with a smile --- Seeing that you are happy then I conclude that you have no idea who that apprentice is…, oh yeah, did you think it was you darling? I'm sorry to tell you that he already found you a substitute, GD is like that, he got tired of you and has already looked for another, I say it from experience, if you do not believe me, open the door and see for yourself --- I open the door slowly and see it, he is sitting next to a girl, it's Rosé.

--- Rosé !! --- I call her without noticing --- Unnie !! I have great news for you --- Rosé says happy, I only have eyes for him, he stares at me in amazement at my interruption, for a moment I can see his old gaze, I have seen Ji Yong again --- Sorry for interrupting --- I bow and leave.

Some time later the song comes out, it is very beautiful, Rosé did a great job, I was distant from her for a few days but I understood that she has nothing to do with this story, only Jisoo knows my secrets although not all some of them are only carried by me. The training for today is over, I go to the bedrooms to rest, my cell phone rings, a message from an unknown number “Hi Jennie, it's me oppa, do you think you can see me? I'm in the studio. ”When I read that, I freeze, after so long he just writes me and asks me to see it…? I can't help feeling upset, but at the same time I'm happy, I forget my tiredness and go to meet him.

I arrive at the studio, I stop and I remember all the moments we shared here. I knock on the door and his voice tells me to enter. I enter with a smile, I'm glad to see him so close again, he looks at me and smiles for a moment, but his gaze remains distant. I realize that whatever he has to say to me is not what I imagined.

--- Sit down Jennie --- I obey and sit close to him --- I called you because I have some things to clarify with you, I think there was a misunderstanding and I would not like to stay like this --- I listen to what he says, But what is he talking about does not come to my mind --- I was talking to Dara and she said by accident that she had talked to you, I questioned her and I did not like what she confessed to me. First of all, you have to know that you are a very important person to me, nobody is capable of replacing you, much less it is true that I got bored of you. You know very well the reasons why I distanced myself and none is your fault, I assume responsibility for my mistakes, that is why for now it is better that we keep our distance. Having said that, I hope there has been no misunderstanding ---

I look him in the eye, he remains silent, he has finished what he had to say ... I get up to go, but no, I have not said what I feel, I will not remain silent any longer, I am no longer a child, I look again and I say --- Oppa until when will you keep doing this? How much longer are you going to push me out of your life? What are you so afraid of? It's been more than a year since your reason to move away, I'm not the same as back then, believe it or not, I'm sure of what I want ... of what I want and I can tell by the way you look at me that you still feel the same for me --- he looks at me and says --- Jennie, you don't understand, I don't want to ... --- I interrupt him, I'm sick of this --- Hurt me? How? I'm telling you that I want to be with you !! I already understood, you are the man that I want !! --- I approach him and hug him, Ji Yong remains motionless for a moment and then he hugs me as he begins to whisper in my ear

--- Jennie, I've already thought about it a lot, the best thing for us is not to fall in love, we don't even know each other that well, right now I'm a little scared, I'm sorry. It is better not to make promises, nobody knows what will happen tomorrow. Don't ask me anything, I can't give you answers. Don't try to have me now, you'll only complicate things more. It scares me that your pretty smile turns into tears. Your innocence is too much pressure for me, let's leave this here before things get out of control and you get hurt ---

I turn away from him and look at him angrily, I don't gloat and tell him with spite and tears in my eyes --- You are a selfish bastard !! --- I turn around and get out of whitout looking back.
His words would remain etched in my mind, some time later I heard them again, this time in a song, I know he did not forget them either.

•Author's note: GD's words are in the song of BIGBANG "let's no fall in love"•