I Hate You

-25-

Song: "Halo" by Beyoncé

**

"This right here is the gestational sac," the doctor pointed to the circle on the screen. Heather was getting her first ultrasound, and Alejandro had come with her. "And see this little circle inside?" Heather nodded. "That's the yolk sac. And the little line right above it is the embryo."

"Is that normal?"

"Absolutely," she smiled. "You are five weeks along, and this is when we're supposed to start seeing some formation.

"I can't believe that tiny thing will be a fully formed baby in a few months," Alejandro said.

"Yes, isn't it amazing?"

Heather swallowed nervously, looking back at the screen. "...How fragile is it?"

"In the first trimester, the fetus is more vulnerable to damage because all the major organs are developing. Just don't drink, and make sure you keep us updated on the medication you use. And if you get very sick, please don't be afraid to contact a professional."

She nodded slowly. "Ok."

She gave her a paper. "This is the summary of your appointment. Come back in a month for another checkup unless you have any issues beforehand. Do either of you have any questions?" Both shook their heads. "Good. It was a pleasure meeting you two. Just follow me out to the checkout desk."

They both got up, checked out, and made their next appointment. Alejandro took her hand and led her to his car. "How was that, mi amor?"

Heather frowned. "I don't know...it's hard to describe what I'm feeling." She bit her tongue.

Alejandro sensed the change in vocal pitch. "Wanna talk about it in the car?" She nodded, looking at him anxiously. He opened the passenger door for her and got in himself. "Tell me, what's bothering you?"

"This whole thing...I-I'm scared." She immediately turned away and wiped her eyes before any tears could come out.

"What exactly are you scared of?" He asked gently, taking her hand and rubbing it.

"I already told you, dummy, the whole thing!" She snapped.

He raised both his eyebrows. "Ok, ok. So, you're scared of going through the pregnancy?"

She nodded, sniffling. "What if I fuck it up and the baby ends up coming out all deformed? What if it has a miserable life because of it?!"

"Whoa whoa whoa, you are getting way too ahead of yourself," Alejandro said. Everything will be fine. Just don't do anything too crazy."

She pouted. "I wish this stupid thing never happened. I was never meant to have a freaking baby. I have to make all these crazy plans for adoption, and-"

"Heather, just relax, mi amor. You are barely over a month along. You have plenty of time to figure everything out. Right now, I think you just need to rest."

"You can't tell me what to do!"

He sighed. "I know I cannot. It is just a suggestion." He started driving. Heather was quiet the rest of the way back.

Alejandro stopped by the sorority to let her out. Heather opened the door to leave, paused, then closed it. "Alejandro?"

"Yes?"

"I'm...I'm sorry. I... it's hard to tell you how I feel when I feel it. I don't know why," she furrowed her eyebrows, trying to figure herself out.

"It's ok, beautiful. Were you ever given that opportunity when you were younger?"