I Hate You

-26-

"What are you planning on doing with the baby?" Courtney asked Heather as the two of them were doing homework in their dorm. The past three weeks had been super awkward. Heather was always going out with Alejandro, so they hardly spoke with each other. Plus, Courtney quietly resented her for not sharing any further information about her pregnancy.

"Adoption," she answered, not taking her eyes off her paper.

She nodded. "So... you're eight weeks along now?"

"Yep. There's a super small bump on my stomach, but I can still hide it with clothes."

"That's crazy to know that in just a few months, it will be huge!" She beamed. Then she frowned. "You know I'll be there to support you with this, right?" Courtney was afraid Heather didn't have a boyfriend, or if she did, he left her.

She paused. "...Yeah. Yeah, I know."

"Do you know if you're going to stay here when you're on maternity leave?"

"I don't know, Courtney," Heather sighed. She had already been thinking about all of that and more. It was really overwhelming."

"If you're stressed, you could always make a list like I do."

"No list can prepare me for birthing a human being."

"I guess you're right...this is big. Really big."

"Thanks for reminding me."

"Sorry," she cringed. "I just...I don't know what to say. I never thought you'd ever get pregnant. And I'm the one who was always talking about having children someday," she laughed, trying to make light of the conversation.

"Yeah, I know," she shook her head, a smirk across her lips. "How ironic."

"Is...is there any part of you that wants to keep the baby? Even if it's just a tiny part? Because I heard there's this hormone that makes the mother attached to the baby before he or she is even born."

"No. It's just a little thing growing in my stomach. There's no way I'm ever going to get attached." Heather wasn't sure of her statement, but she pretended she was.

Courtney frowned. "Alright. But what if it's the cutest baby ever?"

"I don't care if it has the biggest puppy dog eyes ever. I'm not keeping it."

"Ok, ok. I get it. I guess I'm just biased because I love babies. And you know I'm still making you the godmother of my future kids, right?"

"Yeah. The only reason I'd ever take care of kids is if you and your future husband died."

"Exactly," she giggled. "I love you, Heather."

She blinked. Yes, she and Courtney had said that to each other a million times before, but she took it as just throwing the word around. Now, Heather had a whole new perspective on love. Someone who loves me is willing to listen. They're willing to support me through everything. They're honest with me. They share their life with me...her heart ached when she thought of every secret she ever kept from Courtney. But there was still a part of her that was too scared to tell her right now. "I love you too, Courtney." Do I even deserve to say that after what I've done?

A text from her boyfriend interrupted her thoughts. 'Is Courtney still going shopping this evening? 😏'

Heather felt heat throughout her body. 'Yep!'

'Still feel like👉🏾👌🏻?'

'Maybe😉'