in my head | han seojun

twenty three

*･｡ﾟੲੳ ⠜⡠ ∗ ♡ ∗ 𓂂 ๋ .

"I'm sorry y/n" he softly said, he now stared at the grey skies.

"Please don't." I finally spoke feeling very uncomfortable with him apologizing. I felt that I had to apologize to him instead, for pushing him away so much for no apparent reason.

"Seojun—"

"I've decided to leave you alone, because I don't want you to hate me." He paused, followed by an awkward chuckle. "And... I hope the best for you and Suho...truly." He sighed, glancing at me once more and standing up.

He began walked off in his now dried clothes, not looking at me after that. The words in my mom felt trapped inside, so all I could do was stare at his figure until I couldn't see him anymore.

Isn't this what I wanted?

next morning—

I woke up agitated after having sleeping paralysis. I normally get sleeping paralysis when I sleep stressed or with too much on my mind.

I shook my recurring thoughts replaying the dream, and decided to take a warm shower.

While I was in the shower I realized I was supposed to have my friends over, and when I woke up, I met an empty bed, asides from myself of course. I frowned and turned off the shower after a quick one and got dressed.

I went downstairs and my nose spotted the delicious smell of crepes with strawberries and chocolate. I don't know how I even guessed it but I was right. Sua had just finished putting the table, and Jin and Ju were cleaning the kitchen and setting the table.

"How did I get so lucky to have not one, but three wifes." They all laughed.

"Good morning sleeping beauty, I made us breakfast, I hope you like it." I smiled and went to hug her from behind.

I loved my friends so much because no matter what they always try their best for me, especially when they know i'm feeling down.

"How'd you sleep?" Jin said making her way to fix my hair for me. "I slept great." I said with a blank expression.

"You sure? you were kinda flinching a bit." Ju added. "I had sleeping paralysis." They all turned to me. "Wanna tell us?"

I opened my eyes and saw nothing but a black room. My hands seemed to me laying on my stomach, while I faced the dark.
I looked around and kept seeing nothing. I closed and opened my eyes and the room wasn't as dark. There was a light very far away and as I was about to get up and go towards it, I realized I couldn't move.
I began panicking since I had no control over my body, when I suddenly saw a shadow walking towards me.
I was scared but I couldn't close my eyes anymore, causing me to somewhat make 'eye contact' with it, even though it had no eyes.
As the figure got closer and closer, my teeth became loose and soon started falling out. I choked on them because somehow my body wouldn't let me not swallow them.
and then I woke up.

no one's pov
time skip—

"What should we do today?" Sujin asked sitting in the couch along with the rest.

"How about we go to get coffee and then we go shopping?" Sua suggested and they all agreed.

Y/n felt weird on the inside. She felt as if her friends were currently dragging places, and she didn't actually wanted to be there. She felt bad for feeling like her social battery had officially ran out for the day, so she tried putting up a fake smile as they all left the house.

As they got to the coffee place, she felt the need to talk to the only person she knew was going to understand her.

Lee Suho.

"Talk to me Y/n, is everything okay?" The male in front asked concerned, noticing that the girl kept spacing out and giving him blank stares.

"Yea, sorry I keep spacing out today for some reason..." Y/n said with her arms crossed, wearing a long frown on her face. 

"Why did you call me here today?"

"Did you not want to see me?" She said followed by a chuckle, pulling her seat closer to the male, now fully facing him.

"I did— I do, always. But what's the occasion today? Obviously something is on your mind, but I don't want to pressure you to talk if I'm supposed to be distracting you." He smiled lightly, while taking a sip of his americano. She nodded, understanding the male's stand making her only sigh deeply.

Y/n's pov—

How is this going to work?

I looked around the cafe thinking of a way I could put this situation without necessarily mentioning it's about him.

"I'm writing a book." I swear I'm like the dumbest person alive.

"Oh? what is it about?" I took a sip of my coffee. "Is a love triangle. Where the main character is stuck in a dilemma about who she should end up with but—" He raised a brow, waiting for me to finish. "But after choosing, she feels sorry for the main guy, after he confessed to her about how he felt of not choosing him." Clueless Suho nodded while reclining back on the chair.

"Since when do you write books?" He asked off topic. "I like to write to myself." I answered shortly, partially being true. He nodded.

My mind had always been filled with romance novels or situations that only fed into my delusions, but I mean who doesn't? Probably Suho.

"Well the obvious would be for the main character to follow her heart. If she still has lingering feelings for the male she feels sorry for, then that must've been an unsolved romance they had first?" I nodded, trying to not show the shock I felt. He's good.

"But again, there must've been a reason as to why it stopped in the first place." I nodded. "Then, maybe if they get closure or something of the sort then they're bound to either be okay with moving on or the typical, getting back together."

"What if the main character likes the second lead as well?"

"It could be because he has something she's been looking for, for a long time that maybe the main guy doesn't have, but he's still not him."

As he said those words, I thought of the reason why I truly pushed Seojun away.

Did I get too attached to Suho?

I've always had problems in friendships and relationships of getting attached to quickly and easily. Just because someone acts nice to me or looks at me a certain way, I make up scenarios on how they're supposed to act and what they're supposed to say.

Even though is very complex and toxic. I am not crazy or anything, I just tend to set my standards really high and at the end, I end up disappointed and always wonder why.

Those thoughts filled my head but Suho quickly snapped me out of them.

"I would like to read it when you're done, if I may of course." I gave him a small smile, not responding to his comment.

"Y/n, let's go on a date."

written by leyrai