Toxicity (Spencer Reid X Reader)

37

It had been a couple of days since Spencer's death. You spent most of those days crying in his bed, trying to remember his scent.

You felt as if his suicide was your fault. You went off on him the last time you saw him. You thought that maybe that was what pushed him over the edge. You wish you could take everything back and now you're going to have to live with that guilt.

During your relationship, Spencer put your name on the apartment so you wouldn't lose it.

You were going through a box in the closet, you sat in front of it. You didn't want to move anything of his, but you wanted to get pictures and items of his for the funeral.

Spencer was very old fashioned, you didn't have too many pictures of him on your phone. He liked to take pictures on older cameras.

You found an album in the bottom of the box, with a ton of pictures of him. Some of him as a child, some with his mom, some with the team, and some with both of you. You flipped through it, a couple of tears fall down the laminated photos.

You begin to dissociate.

You space out and thinks of the good times you had with him.

You knew you were never going to have that again. Although the relationship was never perfect, you knew that you truly fell in love with him. You missed him.

You hear a knock at the door.

You turn around then look back at the album, putting it back in the box. You wipe your tears as you stand up.

You didn't want company.

You hadn't seen the team since the hospital.

You knew how awful you looked, you hadn't had the energy to brush your hair or take a shower. You didn't want anyone to see you like this, at your lowest.

You walk out of the bedroom and into the living room, where you open the door.

You saw Garcia standing with a gift basket and Emily with two cups of coffee, one in each hand.

You turn around and walk into the living room, leaving the door open for them to open enter the apartment.

You go sit down on the couch, you see Emily close the door behind you, "I wasn't expecting company."

Garcia sets the gift basket on the table.

They sit beside you, Emily hands you the cup of coffee, "well I thought you could use it, considering everything you've went through."

"It wasn't just me, how's the team holding up?"

"They are all taking it pretty hard, but we'll be alright. I know you lost so much-"

You stop Emily from continuing and put your hand up in defense, "I don't need a pep talk right now."

Garcia says, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, you guys don't have to worry."

"We can help you with the funeral arrangements. We can go pick out flowers. I'm sure you don't want to do that alone," Emily suggests.

"Sure, I guess. But I need time to get ready so I'll meet you at the floral shop around the block at three. It was his favorite place, he loved the vintage style."

"Three? That's in three hours." Emily says.

"I still have to gather some stuff for the funeral planning and I need to clean up here."

"Okay, we'll see you later."

All three of you stand up.

Garcia gives you a tight hug, you knew how hard she was taking all of this.

A lot of the people in your team will not show emotion, but you can tell how hard it was for them either way. Afterall, you were trained to read people. Sometimes you couldn't turn your profiling off.

You start to dissociate again.

Spencer never usually storms out like that, you should've known that he was suicidal. You're a profile, you should've caught it.

After you tell them goodbye and shut the door, you go into the bathroom.

You turn on the light and look at the mirror, you see how dark your undereyes have gotten. You couldn't sleep from the image of Spencer shooting himself on the roof.

You shake it off then undress and hop on the shower.

You take a rather long shower, apply your skincare, brush your teeth, brush your hair, then style your hair.

By the time you're done, it had been an hour

You felt good doing this but you were also very tired during it.

You walk into the bedroom and pick out a basic outfit, you get dressed and look at yourself in the mirror. You felt like you looked better than you have recently, maybe it was a good thing to finally go out.

You grab a pair of sock, slips them on, then put your shoes on.

After you get ready, you sit back down in front of the closet and pull the the box from it and pick the album back up.

You picked out ten pictures, a mixture of all different kinds. You take them each off the binder that they were in.

You didn't want to take the pictures from the laminate just in case something happened.

You get up with the pictures and place them in your purse. You felt better so you decided to do some cleaning around the house. First you put everything away in the bedroom and clean it up.

You go over to the kitchen and living room to clean up everything.

You grab something quick to eat and by the time you're done, it's almost three. You have just enough time to go to the floral shop.

You grab your purse and head out the door, then lock it behind you.

You make your walk to the floral shop, it wasn't that far. You saw Garcia and Emily standing outside the store.

"Let's get this over, shall we?"

The tree of you enter the flower shop. The cashier at the front desk greets you.

Morgan, Hotch, Rossi, and JJ are getting their own arrangements for the funeral in their name. You needed to get a rose for each of them and flowers for decoration that will match the casket.

Emily and Garcia pick out theirs, they tell the cashier their names to be put on the arrangements.

You pick out seven red roses and an arrangement of blue flowers.

You check out, pay for everything, and tell the cashier the date and time for them to deliver the flowers to the funeral.

You all leave the floral shop.

You had already gotten everything done for the funeral, it was the next day and you wanted to prepare yourself for it.

You said goodbye to them as you made your way back home, you unlock the door.

You step and go into the bedroom where you grab one of Spencer's sweaters. You lay down on the bed with the sweater in your arm. You stare off into space as hours go by thinking of Spencer.