Toxicity (Spencer Reid X Reader)

38

YALL. i changed the ending back to when he actually killed himself. the last chapter was the funeral planning and this one is the funeral which is the last chapter of this story. but there will be a continuation of it as a different book.

You only slept two hours that night.

You went to bed after crying for a while, until you eventually woke up from a nightmare. Every time you closed your eyes after that, you saw Spencer blowing his brains out on that roof.

You truly didn't know how to deal with it.

You felt the gutwrenching pain every single day, you didn't know how you were going to hold it together to go to work.

Although, Hotch gave everyone time off. You didn't know if it will be enough.

You had to put yourself together, for everyone's sake. You knew how hard it was for everyone, they knew him longer than you did. They lost not only their team member, but they lost someone they considered family.

You woke up early, the funeral would start in a couple of hours.

You randomly got the idea to write him a letter, to let everything go. You had already written the eugology.

But you still had things to say to him.

You wanted to let go of those things.

You ripped a page out of your notebook and sat at the kitchen table with a pen in your hand.

You began to write.

Spencer

You were everything; smart, loving, thoughtful, helpful. You truly contributed every part of yourself into your work, your friends, your family, and me. Even when you didn't have the strength to do so, even when you went through hell. You loved me and I knew that. But we constantly manipulated each other, we kept hurting each other, and maybe if you were here today we would've been able to work things out. I knew who you truly were, even when you didn't. I knew you had your own problems that put behind to help me when I was in recovery. I wish I could've said something before I watched you go. I guess, I'll have to say it here.

A tear emerges from your eyes as you felt your hand begin to cramp. You knew you needed to keep writing, you needed to get everything out. You couldn't do it with someone else, you had trouble opening up.

So you needed, at least, this to help you organize your feeling.

You continued writing.

You were my everything for years. You were someone that you actually weren't because I asked you to be. You were everything I needed. Sure, we had our own set of problems. You with alcohol, me with drugs. But I truly believe that we could've something, something better. Although you're gone, you will never be forgotten. The impact that you've made on everyone around was truly astonishing. I will always love you, Spence. I will never forget who you were and all you've done for me. I love you.

Goodbye.

You put down the pen as you begin to sob into your hands. The pain began to seep into the surface as you let your emotion come out.