you led my heart {dreamnotfound}

seventeen.

Chapter two of the stages of guilt series, how we feeling besties?
I know that the last chapter was really heavy and I bet this one will be as well, it's literally called "Anger" LMFAO
I don't know how I would manage to make it all fluff but I can try to add some yeah?
It's most likely going to be a shit load of angst though <3

So without further adieu...
I present to you,
Anger.

~~

If you think about it, you don't always deserve what you get. I don't deserve George but why is he in my life? Why is he still here after everything? After I kept secrets from him? After I got him hurt? I'm not sure what I did to deserve him but maybe some day I will become aware, unless I lose him.

These nightmares seem to be constant. I wake up in a dark room and the first pair of eyes I meet are his. It's always his. He is either crying or already dead. I'm never on time. The more I try to help, the more the red spills out from hell knows where. Sometimes it's his wrists, throat, mouth, and even eyes. Sometimes it even comes from me. Endless pools of red substance forming in my hands. It doesn't ever go away no matter how hard I scrub. I scrub until my hands themselves are quite literally bleeding. I scrub until they are raw and extremely sensitive but it never goes away. The red never fades. My only chance is to wait.
To wait until,
I wake up.

~~

It was now twelve days before Christmas. Snow fell from the sky leaving a light, patchy blanket scattered across the land. Children were playing outside now, their laughs being distinguished from hundreds of feet away, their parents yelling for them, telling them to come inside and warm up before they got much too far out of hand. Couples were walking on the sidewalks, hands intertwined and laughing to eachother in their own little worlds.

George had always wondered what it would be like to live in another's shoes, to love in another's shoes. He had never necessarily grasped the feeling of love, until he met Clay. When he realized it, he loved hard. He loved until he couldn't save any for himself. But that was okay. Clay loved him enough so he wouldn't have to. Right? Of course he did.

It seemed at times as if maybe mistakes where being made and precautions needed to be taken but relationships are made to be messy at times, correct? Not everything can be perfect after all, but George wanted that. He needed it. He craved perfection. He would do anything to keep a kind and healthy relationship with Clay, but you don't always get what you want, unfortunately.

"Stop!!"George laughed, kicking at the blonde's shins behind them. "I can't make your breakfast if you keep tickling me!!"

"Okay well, I'm not hungry anyways!" Clay shot back, worming his arms around George's waist and pulling them into a tighter embrace.

"I don't care, you're going to eat this. Okay? It took like forever to just find the ingredients." They mixed the eggs in the skillet.

"George we literally have everything just sat right there, what do you mean 'took forever'!" The other wheezed while in attempt to mock the brunette's accent.

"You know what, just for that you have to leave; take a shower or something you reek."

"Awe, George that's not very nice.." Clay pretending to pout, resting his forehead up against the individual's back and running his firm hands up and down the curves of their body, causing them to stop breathing.