The Exiled Alpha

Chapter twenty-eight

I sit on the edge of the bed, my feet planted on the ground, but I feel like I'm floating in the sky, with no way of being able to stop myself. Like I'm lost forever. My head is empty and my eyes are glued on that same spot on my floor, where my carpet is folded over incorrectly, which bothers me very much. But I don't think I'm able to make my brain order my muscles to make me stand and fix it.

I blink to get rid of the stinging in my eyes. I have been staring for so long without blinking, my eyes are most likely completely red already. I have lost track of time after the talk with father, my brain being too overworked to process anything by now.

I feel my fingers tremble against the mattress, which makes my gaze finally unglue from the weirdly folded carpet. I glance down to my right hand, noticing how badly it's shaking. I haven't even realized it until not. I have probably been shaking for so long and I didn't even realize.

I feel tears sting my eyes, which makes me blink again. No, no, I don't need to break down right now. I have been holding this in for so long now, I can hold it in for just a little bit longer.

My tears start to slip down my cheeks and I grit my teeth in order to try and stop them. But they start to fall even more and more and more. I finally move my muscles which have been sitting in the same position for hours probably. They ache when I move my hands to grip at my hair. Stop crying, stop crying. Just stop crying already!

I feel how my body shakes from the sobs I hold back, my tears slipping down my cheeks and down my neck, some of them dripping down my chin and into my lap. I squeeze my eyes shut to try and keep the tears behind my lids, but sadly it just doesn't work that way. I bring my knees up to my body, my fingers threading through my hair and tugging at it. Stop crying already!

I feel how my throat starts to close in on itself, which makes my eyes snap open. My mouth falls open and I try to take in a shaky breath but I don't feel like I can breathe at all. I don't notice when the door opens, I don't see the person that walks in and then runs to me. All I see is starting to blur in big spots of nothingness. I don't even know if my body has stopped shaking or if it's still going at it. I don't feel the tears falling from my eyes or how they stain my cheeks and neck.

My whole body jerks when something warm grips my wrists and I blink. A face sharpens in front of me, but the room spins and rocks back and forth which makes it hard to see who is crouching before me. They pry my hands out of my hair before I pull them out of my scalp.

My lungs are burning for oxygen but it feels like I'm drowning. That I won't be able to breathe in ever again. That this is the end for me. Then the person's voice finally reaches my ears.

"Hey, Mackenzie. Mack, look at me!" It's Samantha, I can hear Sam's voice. My eyes dance around the room before her warm hands grip my face and turn it towards her. My blue eyes focus on her scared expression, her grey eyes looking even more like a hurricane than before. "It's okay, Mack. You're safe. Just breathe with me." She inhales a deep breath, motioning with her hand how the air goes into her lungs. Then she releases a big puff of air through her lips.

"It's okay, Mackenzie. You can breathe." Samantha reassures me, as I start to follow her instructions. I breathe in through my nose, my whole body shaking when I let the breath go. She keeps breathing with me, while counting from ten to zero to occupy my mind from the panic attack. Her fingers brush against my cheeks to dry the tears and tear stains.

"And zero." She breathes out, while my perception of reality starts to return. The room feels like it's spinning, but it's probably because of the dizziness I feel. Samantha still watches me carefully to see if I'm stable now, her hands cradling my face.

"Are you alright?" Her voice comes out softly, as her warm hands brush down my shoulders and arms. I nod a little, even though I'm not really sure I nodded. "I... think so." I whisper, looking past her shoulder back to the folded carpet piece. Samantha stands up, blocking the view of the fold, before she sits down next to me on the bed.