Only a Lion's Love

Part 31

[phil's pov]

For the past couple weeks, I've never felt so alone in an apartment with three people. Dan is constantly checking upon the "damsel in distress" otherwise known as Pj, and has taken no note on me whatsoever.

Dan has noticed some of the obvious of things like, 1) I haven't taken any anti depressents, 2) I barely can keep down a meal, and 3) I've began to cut again.

Some of the most OBVIOUS things, but nope, my so called "best friend" is now Pascal's.

At the moment, I'm alone in my bedroom, looking over and over again at the many picture of tumblr.While I know Daniel and Pj, are in Daniel's bedroom I think making a youtube video, or something of that nature. Speaking of youtube, I barely upload anymore sadly- I just don't see the point besides for my fans. I've began to see Chris's view on things-why continue to do what I love, if the person I love won't do it with me?

My cheeks began to burn, as I realize I began to cry. I wiped the damp cheeks with the back of my hands, trying to ignore Pj's laughter in the next room. Without thought, I ran into the bathroom closing the door lightley before locking it and rummaging through the cabinet.Once my fingers layed upon my old razor I took a look at it. It wasn't as nice anymore, and was quite old, I needed some new ones.

So I left the razor underneath the sink in the bathroom,since I'd be back quickly any how. I walked across the hall, grabbing my coat, wallet and phone, slipping my shoes on before heading out the door. I just needed to feel something before I had to hear my best friends be all over each other.

____

[ daniel's pov ]

Pj and I were creating some ideas for a up coming film. The process was quite funny, and was helping Peej be more emergetic and full of happiness. As we were coming up with goofy characters, we heared a door shut a couple of times. "I think Phil just left the flat.."Pj mumbled. He looked rather jealous of talking about Phil, but I probably was just being paranoid.

He chuckled, " At least he's able to leave his room today." I kind of giggled, noting that Pj may have either insulted or was kidding around. I nodded my head, adding a barely audible giggle. "Hey Peej, I just need to go to the bathroom, I'll be back in a moment." I stood up. He gave me a approving nod, before writing some lines on his notepad.

I walked across the hall, opening the bathroom door and shutting it behind me. I looked around for a moment, feeling as if something was off. I began to look around the dull bathroom, trying to find something to count as a "clue". Once giving up I shook my head. I looked at the palms of my pale hands, noticing the pen marks surrounding them. "Maybe I should wash my hands.." I muttered to myself. I reached over to pump a wad of soap in my hands, before accidentily knocking it over..

I bent down underneath the sink, to try and grab the fallen soap comtainer. My eyes shot open in horror, to see what layed underneath it. A dark, shiny razor blade, covered with dry blood. My lip began to quiver, my eyes begging to cry rivers and rivers on end. Is Phil hurting himself again?

I grabbed the razor, cupping into my plam and walking out the lou. I swung open the door of my bedroom, seeing a startled Pj on my bed. "Peej, I'm sorry but would it be ok if you went home for the night? I need to have a.. discussion with Phil.." I stated. Pj's eyes went from the pad of yellow paper to me, before depressinngly nodding his head in agreement and walking out the door.

So I sat in my flat waiting for Phil to come home. I laid the razor blade onto our kitchen table, knowing he'll see it when he comes in. Since I knew Phil wasn't at a good moment, I figured I'd look aroumd the flat to make sure everything else was in order.

I went to our medicine cabinet, look at his supposedly empty bottle of pills, only to see certain bottles and such gone My curiousity began to drift towards Phil's room, so I slowly tip toes to the silent area.

I stepped inside, trying to not make it obvious someone came in there. I looked through drawers and drawers, only to find ripped letters. I ignored them for the moment, knowing I couldn't dawdle on everything. When I opened his night stand, I was alarmed to see all the sleeping pills and bottles in there. Why would he have them all in his room? I opened the next drawer, only to find a note laying inside of it saying:

Dear to whoever finds me,

Please don't be upset that I did this, it's not anyone's fault but my owns this happens. I'm just sime stupid guy helplessly in love with a man whi left me for our best friend who doesn't even know it. I'm a worthless suicidal shit, that doesn't deserve anything it anyome on this planet. Hopefully hell has an opening for a faggot like me, for I'm truly not amazing.

From dearest remarks,
Phillip Michael Lester.

I stood in amazement to what I think I just read- I think I just read my best friend's suicide note.