AVS 1: Catching Flights

Prologue

Have you always wondered, bakit hindi kaya tayo binibigyan ng pansin ng taong gustong-gusto o mahal natin? Bakit nga ba sa tuwing hinahabol natin sila ay ayaw nila tanggapin ang pagmamahal na inaalay natin sa kanila? Bakit nga ba sa tuwing pinaparamdam natin na gusto natin sila ay grabe ang pag-ayaw nila rito? Hindi ba isang malaking karangalan na magustuhan ng iba? Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kapag gusto natin, ayaw nila, pero kapag naman tinigilan natin gaya ng gusto nila, sila naman maghahabol. Ano nga ba ang feelings? Challenge lang ba ito o laro para habulin matapos ilayo?

There are things I badly want to know. Questions that I needed answers to help me. Ever since I graduated high school, wala naman akong nagustuhan o nakarelasyon na kahit sino. Yet, when I enrolled myself in a school for aviation for college, one man has already caught my attention kaya naman hindi ko alam ano ang gagawin ko.

Claeg Yael Cole or widely known as Clay. A man with ambition. An alpha male to be exact. He is extremely career-driven and I can already see that kahit pa estudyante pa kami. With an aura of mysteriousness and coldness, he is surely one of a kind. With his eyes set on his goals and a strong determination to conquer not just the field of aviation, but to conquer the skies as well.

While me? I have the passion. I have the hopes and dreams to live. I have the aspiration to be better, to improve myself and to deem myself worthy of the title "captain". I also have the same determination as him, sadly it does not seem sufficient for someone like him. He needs more than that. I am confident that I could be his person, but would I really trade my real self just to reach his standard?

Ginawa ko ang lahat para sa kaniya. Bumanat, bigyan siya ng cheesy and corny jokes, sumunod sa kaniya, bluntly saying my feelings towards him. Ako pa nga mismo nag first move para lang may improvement sa aming dalawa kahit papaano.

Sabi nga ni ate sa akin, never deny your feelings. Living a life accepting one's emotions is better than a life denying and surpassing those fleeting feelings. Live the life of "at least I tried" than a life of "what ifs".

Pero kaya ko pa bang ipagpatuloy lahat ? Mula sa lagi niyang pagbabalewala sa akin, sa patuloy na rejection at pamamahiya sa akin sa harap ng maraming tao, I think I've had enough. Oo masakit, sobra, syempre kahit gusto lang, sincere ako sa nararamdaman ko, but I won't give anyone a satisfaction to see that I am suffering. Nasaktan niya ako, ayaw ko man, at kahit masakit, pipilitin kong pigilan na ang nararamdaman ko. Ibabaling ko na lamang sa mga eroplano at sa pag-aaral ang attraction at ang hindi matapos-tapos na nararamdaman ko kay Clay. Sure ako dito, makaka-move on pa rin naman ako.

With the help of my sister, a cousin and friends, I am more determined to stop this hopelessness. To stop dreaming of becoming his person. They made me realise that life does not end in a guy's rejection, nonetheless, I still have a full life ahead of me. Sabi nga nila, "catch flights, not catch feelings."